#62 - John Levesley: Hull And Yorkshire Daily, Binge Drinking, Strength in Solitude, Social Media Impact on Connection, Cosmetic Transformation & Authenticity in a Digital World

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This is a Renew, original recording photography and social media.

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He describes the defining moment he decided to quit drinking, emphasising that alcohol negatively impacts his life, without him identifying as an alcoholic.

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John explores the normalisation of binge drinking and drug culture, reflecting on how sobriety allowed him to find purpose in photography, leading to the success of his social media page Hull and Yorkshire Daily.

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John discusses the power of social circles, the impact of cutting out negativity and how solitude became a strength rather than a weakness.

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This conversation also delves into personal transformation, including John's experiences with cosmetic surgery and his growing interest in psychology and human behaviour.

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He shares insights on Hull's history, football fandom and the influence of social media.

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John also introduces Pathfinders Collective, his initiative to support those seeking positive change, as well as his reflections on fate, personal growth and the pursuit of authenticity.

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John welcome to Believe in People.

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Thank you very much.

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It's a pleasure, it's an honour to be on it.

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Actually, I've been looking forward to it.

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I'm glad.

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I'm glad You've been incredibly open about your journey with sobriety.

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Can you take me back to the moment when you decided to stop drinking, and was there actually like a single defining moment, or did you find that there was a build up of things or a series of things that led up to that decision?

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I think for me.

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I was in someone's house at five in the morning and it was really like I sat there and I thought for the first time I felt really broken, I was in a bad place and I thought I don't want to be here, not in a sense of in life.

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I didn't want to be in the room with these people because I felt I'd outgrown it and it was so depressing to me being 35 years old and still doing that.

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I think at 20, 21, you can be that guy to a degree, but I think it cuts differently when you're 35 plus.

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You start thinking deep when you're in that position and for me, I thought I don't want this life anymore and I got in this taxi and I stumbled in this taxi and on my way home I thought I am so done with this life.

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I stumbled in this taxi and on my way home I thought I am so done with this life, I'm finished.

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And from that day on I've not had a drop.

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So it's gone very well for me and.

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I would like to clarify.

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I've never been an alcoholic, but what I do, what I have had, is a very negative relationship with alcohol, where it affected my life so badly and I think that's that's the thing that's important for us to talk about, because you can have problems with alcohol without being an alcoholic, which a lot of people don't realize.

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I'll share a quick story.

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I remember this guy.

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He said he never drank.

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Um, he was arrested in the cells and um, basically I was saying you know, you've got looks like you're having a problem with the drink.

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He denied it and he said I only drank once in the last year.

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I said I can see he was arrested less than 12 months ago.

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He went yeah, that was the other time that I drank.

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So I said tell me, the two times that you've drank you've been arrested.

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For me that's a problem with alcohol.

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It's not that you're waking up and craving alcohol first thing in the morning, it's every time you drink there's a problem, and that's what people aren't necessarily realizing sometimes as well.

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It's the bigger picture stuff absolutely.

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Yeah, I think a lot of people like they're stuck in like a position where they think they're okay because it's so normalized, isn't it?

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You go out with the lads, you get drunk, yeah, do all sorts of bad things cocaine, stuff like that, which is rife, by the way, cocaine is so bad and it's so openly done and you're thinking this ain't normal, is it?

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It's not normal to stick things up your nose like that.

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Well, you don't know what's in it.

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If you tested it and knew what was in it, you'd probably be mortified, wouldn't?

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you well, I think cocaine as well.

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People used to be quite discreet about using cocaine.

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Now I feel like it's in your face, for lack of a better word.

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It literally is People making a big deal out of it.

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There's a lot of comedy related to it, but it's almost like people want you to know that they've been using cocaine, whereas before people were real discreetly and almost like a bit ashamed of it.

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But the culture of that has changed now as well.

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It's interesting because I lived in Marbella for six years, so that was my first kind of you know, when I realised this is so deeply entwined within people, like it was just rife everywhere.

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Everyone was drinking and they couldn't have it without the other, so they'd always on coke.

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Yeah, go hand in hand.

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Yeah, just a chaotic kind of life, you know.

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And yeah, you're right.

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What were some of the emotions that you was wrestling with then, when you decided to obviously become abstinent?

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You obviously said to yourself you wasn't alcohol dependent, you just didn't have a positive relationship with alcohol.

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And what did the sobriety teach you about yourself that you maybe never understood before?

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And what did the sobriety teach you about yourself that you maybe never understood before?

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I think sobriety for me made me find something that I loved, my passion, and for me that was photography, videography, which it spiralled into videography.

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So I started off doing photography and then it got into videography.

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But, yeah, it made me kind of look deep amongst myself and try and find what I actually loved, and for me that was that.

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But I think everyone has that, don't they?

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Yeah, yeah, everybody has something they're passionate about, but sometimes with alcohol, it can cloud your vision and you don't see that yeah.

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Which is sad really.

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Absolutely.

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I'm going to go back a little bit here and look at your childhood.

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What was that like?

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Because we often hear that, um, obviously, addiction, uh, problems with substances, uh, that you've experienced yourself can often be rooted in unresolved trauma or unmet emotional needs.

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Do you think your past shaped the choices that you made later in your life?

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um, I didn't have a bad childhood.

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To be fair, I think if I sat here and said I did, I'd be lying.

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Yeah, yeah.

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I think everyone has some negative experience as a kid.

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You would have had.

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Anyone walking the street would have had, but nothing too horrific, you know.

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So, yeah, I didn't have a bad childhood really.

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But I think growing up, hitting like 18, 19, I was with the wrong crowd, you see, yeah, 19,.

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I was with the wrong crowd, you see, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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So in with the wrong crowd, I made terrible decisions and that became alcohol.

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You've spoken about loneliness being one of the biggest challenges of sobriety.

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Beyond, just obviously, the absence of people, loneliness can be an existential state.

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So did sobriety change your relationship with yourself, and what did you learn about that solitude and that loneliness that you was facing?

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I learned that being alone is okay and it's a powerful tool.

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Yeah, I'm always alone 90 of my life is spent alone but I choose to be alone you see, I don't want to be around a lot of people and that suits me.

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I mean, everyone's different, but I've learned to master being alone.

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I think it's a superpower, if anything.

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Yeah, because you come across as quite an extroverted person, like I've described myself before as an extroverted introvert, and people say there's no such thing, you're either one or the other.

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And I was like no, I think I present as this extrovert and I can be quite chatty and presenters outgoing, but if it was choice, I would like to be just left alone for a majority of the time.

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Do you relate to that at all?

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Absolutely, I think.

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When I used to go out, I used to think people must think I'm real sociable.

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I'm a sociable kind of guy, but really beyond it I'm not sociable really.

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I like being alone.

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I think when I'm alone that's where I find my inner peace.

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No one's disturbing my peace, right, and that's a good feeling.

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Do you get anxious being around people, or is there a reason for the wanting of the isolation, the way it makes you feel mentally?

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Do you know?

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That's an interesting question because I don't actually know.

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No, I mean, being around people sometimes is quite a negative thing.

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Yeah, depending who you're with.

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Yeah, yeah, of course, but I've realised as I've got older I've kind of shut my circle of friends down a lot, yeah.

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So, yeah, I've changed that.

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For what reason?

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Personal growth, I think I.

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So, yeah, I've changed that.

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For what reason?

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Personal growth, I think I think if I'm around people that are negative and doing negative things and I deem it negative, I can't be around you because it's not proactive in my life, it doesn't help me, you know did you find it easy to cut people off in that way, or was it quite a difficult thing to do?

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because I I often think, like some of my friends I've been friends with for 20 plus years, we're we get along, but we're not alike, not in the way that we used to when we was younger, and it's almost.

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Sometimes I question, like, are we only friends because we've been friends for for x amount of time?

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As opposed to actually having anything in common.

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Now you actually start to question it, don't you?

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Yeah it's just real friendship, because we're bonding over alcohol and drugs or any narcotics and it's like, yeah, you do question that, don't you?

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Yeah you go for that phase?

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Did I feel bad cutting people out?

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Not really, because I think it was healthy and it served me better.

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Yeah and uh, I've grown a lot the past year, so it's been certainly beneficial to me.

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Yeah, I don't think you can be that guy.

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I don't know.

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I don't think you can be too much like that.

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I don't think it serves you well, Did you ever get questioned by anyone when you have cut them out of your life or distanced yourself from them?

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Do you know I?

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think when I first stopped drinking, I'd go in a pub and they'd come out with all these trays.

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Sorry, I'm struggling now.

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No, go on, I'm struggling with nerves at the minute.

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Okay, trace, sorry, I'm struggling now.

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No, go on, I'm struggling with nerves at the minute.

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Okay, I might need a few minutes.

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Sorry, trying to think it's going to be edited as well.

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Do you know what?

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I'm not going to fail because I owe it to people, I think, who's been supportive of me.

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So I'm not going to throw the towel in, but I just need a few minutes fucking hell.

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But yeah, I think, in terms of cutting people out of my life, I think it's been easy-ish, I think I've been okay with it.

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I've accepted that it's.

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The only way to grow is to sometimes cut people out.

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You know, I think that's the problem.

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I was having a chat earlier about someone and we were saying about her circle of friends and I said that's really like affected you, you know, do you think like, um, do you think loneliness can be a positive thing?

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Because I think the word loneliness we instantly think of things, negative emotions that come with it, or that people don't want to be lonely, that people need to be connected.

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But I personally think there is something in that um, what's your opinion on loneliness being being a positive thing?

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I think so because I think when you see someone sat alone in a pub or something, people instantly think, oh, you feel sorry for him.

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But, I'm nearly always sat alone, but I love it.

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I love just tranquility.

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No one's bothering me, I'm in a peace, so it's good.

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I like going to the cinema alone.

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Yeah, I've done that, have you done that often though, yeah, quite a lot.

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I've done it a few times and I think the thing is.

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Are you self-conscious that someone's going to say something?

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That is my only issue.

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I used to have one of them Cineworld cards.

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I could go see as many films as I want, you know, for like £15 a month.

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I think it was so going and whether there was or not, I felt like people were looking at me like, oh, look at that guy alone, and that was the only thing that bothered me about it.

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I felt like people were either thinking that I had no friends or that I didn't have anyone to come with.

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It was a choice.

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I wanted to be there.

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That's the funny thing, right?

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Because I think I've been there where I've sat in and I thought oh, people think he's alone and he's got no friends.

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But really I'm thinking I'm in my element.

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Do you know what I mean?

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Because you can't talk to people in there anyway, can you do you know what I mean?

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like the idea of cinema as a first date is often a terrible idea because you're just sat in silence with each other.

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It's a disaster exactly yeah, and then you come out and be like oh, it was good, you have an initial chapter, really enjoy it.

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But the only thing, like you just said, then is is the idea of people looking at me or taking pity on me or thinking that I'm weird.

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That's the only bit that bothers.

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You know what?

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I still get that itself doesn't.

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Yeah, I still get that you have to go out when I'm sat alone, I think are there, but then I realized no one really gives a shit let's be honest I think that's it again.

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It's the same with jimmy nate when someone goes to the gym and they're self-conscious.

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They're thinking everyone's looking at them Someone's looking at me and no one's looking, no one even cares, just crack on with it.

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I always say this Do you know what People?

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I say this to my wife all the time, but people are too busy With their own shit To care about your shit.

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Yeah, you have your own stresses in life and that's sort of why.

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Yeah, to sit in a gym and go oh look what, they're no one.

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Actually no one cares.

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That's the interesting thing.

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But it's all psychology in it.

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Yeah, absolutely, it's interesting.

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I've become obsessed with that.

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You see, psychology and how the brain works.

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I'm very deeply into that.

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Tell me more about that, then.

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When did that start?

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Probably a couple of years ago, actually.

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I started delving into human behaviour, human patterns and how the brain works and stuff like that.

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So I found that very interesting.

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What brought that on to like look into that?

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I don't know.

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I think I'm just a deep, yeah, spiritual guy and I look at things very deeply.

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You know, even when I go to gym in the morning, I'm like the same cars are parked in the same spot.

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Yeah, why is that?

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Yeah, these clothes are spots, but it's in the same spot.

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Yeah, I don't know it's not like a loony, no, no, no, it's right when I go and do my big shop.

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I always tend to park in the same area.

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It's a bit of a walk even if there's no cars.

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So when I facilitate training, if it lasts for multiple sessions, like over six weeks, you know the first session, the next session, everyone comes in and they take the same seats.

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They took the week before and I'm like, why is that?

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It's interesting, isn't it?

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Yeah, usually, and yeah, and even if you go even if you go abroad and it's like massively offensive to take your side.

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Yeah, absolutely Get to your side.

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But even if you go, like on holiday somewhere, you find that you still sort of take the same sides or in some way like closest to the door, for instance, or I get that, don't you find?

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That fascinating yeah, because it's the, it's the, it's the subconscious decisions that we're making.

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Do you think?

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it's like it's a comfort.

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Do you think there's some comfort in that?

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I think we'd like comfort in routine and routine, we know so I think we try and keep things as routine as we can, even when we're out of routine honestly, if you see me in the morning, I go to gym and I'm like same car, same car same car.

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What is this yeah?

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is everything's the same.

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I'm like it's like the truman show.

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That's.

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That's what it is like.

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It's like truman show um, going back, going back to to alcohol, then, uh, specifically, you know, alcohol can often fill a void and I think, um, when you remove it, you're sort of left staring into that empty space.

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Now you've made significant physical changes your hairline, your teeth, your nose, thanks to techie.

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It's alright sponsored by Istanbul but do you think that?

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do you think that transformation in yourself has become another addiction?

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I think so.

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I think you can have an unhealthy addiction as well with going to tech.

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You know, yeah, I know people who's can't stop going back what for for, like cosmetic procedures?

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Yeah I went with a friend of mine.

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We got our teeth done, I think it was first.

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He's gone back home, and so did I.

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We're both ripped and spent and I'm like I need to go back again I want to get my nose done, so it was almost like I kept looking in the mirror and wanting to improve it.

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I'm like I'm never happy myself that way you know it's quite sad really but where does that come from, then?

00:15:30.543 --> 00:15:45.613
to look at yourself and not feel happy enough to I mean, don't be wrong, I think I don't think there'd be anybody listening to this that doesn't look in the mirror and think I'd like to make a few changes even there but to go and do something about it, not just once, but like multiple times.

00:15:45.613 --> 00:15:49.912
Where does that come from, like that self-consciousness in yourself and your appearance?

00:15:50.072 --> 00:15:54.745
I believe, is a deep link to people who are how can I say it?

00:15:54.745 --> 00:15:59.414
Deeply unhappy inside in some regard.

00:15:59.414 --> 00:16:03.104
To keep changing your face, yeah, but the problem is, of course, is what.

00:16:03.104 --> 00:16:05.110
I used to look in the mirror and I'm like I see another fault.

00:16:05.110 --> 00:16:06.703
There's another fault there.

00:16:06.703 --> 00:16:18.187
I need to fix that, when really we should look at ourself and be like I'm fine the way I am you know, has anyone ever said anything to you that prompted you to want to go and make these changes?

00:16:18.187 --> 00:16:20.231
No, not really.

00:16:20.392 --> 00:16:20.731
So Really.

00:16:20.731 --> 00:16:21.692
So this is something that you know.

00:16:21.692 --> 00:16:29.118
When you said about the way we look at other people and think, oh, that guy in the cinema by himself, he must be Same thing with yourself.

00:16:29.118 --> 00:16:30.647
No one's actually proactively said things.

00:16:30.647 --> 00:16:34.467
You're just looking in the mirror and is it something that you don't like about yourself?

00:16:34.467 --> 00:16:36.682
Or do you think, oh, maybe people think my nose is?

00:16:36.682 --> 00:16:40.206
I don't know what your nose looked like before too big, too small, A bit too pointy.

00:16:40.206 --> 00:16:42.770
I need to get that.

00:16:42.791 --> 00:16:44.913
So no one's ever said that that was just something that you thought.

00:16:45.114 --> 00:16:45.995
No, do you know what it was?

00:16:45.995 --> 00:16:46.855
It was a buzz for me.

00:16:46.855 --> 00:16:50.171
I think I got a buzz out of changing something that was permanent.

00:16:50.171 --> 00:16:51.846
It's almost like tattoos for me.

00:16:51.846 --> 00:16:55.250
I knew if I get a tattoo, it's a permanent addition, right?

00:16:55.250 --> 00:17:03.586
So I'd get a buzz when I walked out.

00:17:03.606 --> 00:17:05.387
So surgery was like I imagined you to look.

00:17:05.387 --> 00:17:06.929
That's the interesting thing, I don't know why.

00:17:06.929 --> 00:17:09.751
It's not like I had any sort of pre-notion of what you look like.

00:17:09.751 --> 00:17:21.203
But when I was told, obviously, that you've had cosmetic work done, and I think when I saw that picture of you from the Hull City QPR game, I was like, oh, you don't look like how.

00:17:21.203 --> 00:17:22.205
I imagined that a lot.

00:17:22.205 --> 00:17:25.794
Well, yeah, I don't know where that comes from in terms of it's just I don't know.

00:17:25.794 --> 00:17:34.192
I think talking about links with alcoholism and obviously these things around your self-appearance.

00:17:34.192 --> 00:17:36.827
Do you think those things are connected in any way?

00:17:36.827 --> 00:17:38.965
Because you talk about that?

00:17:38.965 --> 00:17:45.909
You talk about that internal, that deep unhappiness internally to get those things changed.

00:17:45.909 --> 00:17:49.869
Was that something that you was experiencing yourself, do you?

00:17:49.890 --> 00:17:55.767
know what, for me, again, I was just chasing a rush and it was like I always want something else.

00:17:55.767 --> 00:17:58.167
So when my friend's had his teeth done, he's all right.

00:17:58.167 --> 00:17:59.385
He's like, oh, I've got new teeth.

00:17:59.385 --> 00:18:01.247
I'm like, yeah, but I want something else.

00:18:01.247 --> 00:18:06.044
You know, I want my nose doing now, and then it's like again, where do you draw the line?

00:18:06.044 --> 00:18:08.567
It's a very vicious cycle, isn't it?

00:18:08.567 --> 00:18:09.667
If you get stuck down that roof.

00:18:09.847 --> 00:18:10.828
Well, that's it, isn't it?

00:18:10.828 --> 00:18:12.369
Do you think you'd get more work done then?

00:18:12.871 --> 00:18:13.652
I don't think so.

00:18:13.652 --> 00:18:15.073
Maybe a six-pack.

00:18:15.073 --> 00:18:18.457
Yeah, no Are you content with how you look?

00:18:18.457 --> 00:18:23.288
Now I am myself.

00:18:23.288 --> 00:18:25.413
I accept things for what they are.

00:18:25.413 --> 00:18:27.146
I take accountability for everything.

00:18:27.146 --> 00:18:30.750
Everything's my fault, because it makes my life easier that way.

00:18:31.009 --> 00:18:31.250
Yeah.

00:18:31.579 --> 00:18:35.371
Because I think when I was younger, nothing was my fault ever.

00:18:35.371 --> 00:18:36.903
It would always be someone else's fault.

00:18:36.903 --> 00:18:39.980
You know, pointing the finger made my life easier.

00:18:39.980 --> 00:18:41.522
But as I've got older I'm like, nah, everything's my fault.

00:18:41.522 --> 00:18:41.962
Now it makes my.

00:18:41.962 --> 00:18:46.049
But as I've got older I'm like, nah, everything's my fault now Makes my life a lot more comfortable.

00:18:46.431 --> 00:18:48.213
Yeah, I suppose it is rather than blaming.

00:18:49.740 --> 00:18:50.384
Sounds like that Rocky quote.

00:18:50.384 --> 00:18:51.535
I think accountability is very important, don't you?

00:18:51.535 --> 00:18:51.635
Yeah?

00:18:51.655 --> 00:18:52.119
absolutely.

00:18:53.161 --> 00:18:55.847
I don't think a lot of people are truly accountable.

00:18:55.847 --> 00:18:58.073
Yeah, and it's dangerous.

00:18:58.073 --> 00:18:59.506
I think it's a very bad character trait.

00:19:00.441 --> 00:19:03.226
I think that can come from our own individual childhoods as well.

00:19:03.226 --> 00:19:05.790
Like, nobody ever wants to be in trouble, do they?

00:19:05.790 --> 00:19:07.034
No, I used to.

00:19:07.173 --> 00:19:09.387
No, no one wants to accept the wrong Exactly.

00:19:09.387 --> 00:19:13.606
That is a hard thing to do, but I'll be on the phone and say listen, I was wrong.

00:19:13.606 --> 00:19:14.849
Yeah, you was right.

00:19:14.890 --> 00:19:15.310
And I was wrong.

00:19:15.310 --> 00:19:22.651
That's the thing as well, especially with You're never going to change anyone I used to argue about things online.

00:19:22.671 --> 00:19:23.432
That is a bad habit.

00:19:23.531 --> 00:19:28.279
I know I used to spend hours arguing with people online and one day the penny just dropped and I thought you know what?

00:19:28.279 --> 00:19:31.127
I'm never going to change someone's opinion online.

00:19:31.127 --> 00:19:32.089
You can't.

00:19:32.089 --> 00:19:32.751
I don't think you can.

00:19:32.751 --> 00:19:33.819
I could write paragraphs.

00:19:33.819 --> 00:19:37.602
I could provide all the evidence in the world to say this is why I'm writing it.

00:19:37.602 --> 00:19:44.412
But out of and the echo chambers in which we're living in, social media algorithms are part of that.

00:19:44.412 --> 00:19:46.535
If you have a particular interest, you go through your algorithm.

00:19:46.535 --> 00:19:48.457
It's the same things that you'll be seeing all the time.

00:19:48.457 --> 00:19:53.428
Once you've engaged with something and that's what happens with social media you engage with something that reinforces your belief.

00:19:53.428 --> 00:19:54.983
You scroll through.

00:19:54.983 --> 00:19:57.967
You find something else that again reinforces that belief or thought.

00:19:57.967 --> 00:20:04.871
Next thing, you know your entire algorithm is just everything that you agree with or that agrees with you, and that's where people live.

00:20:04.871 --> 00:20:09.119
And anything that challenges that or lives outside of that people don't want to know and they'll argue the toss with it.

00:20:09.180 --> 00:20:10.204
I've actually blocked many people.

00:20:11.240 --> 00:20:13.509
I'm not blocked, but what I have done is that's the golden question.

00:20:13.509 --> 00:20:21.067
Yeah, I've snoozed people for 30 days because then I found that that gets them out of the algorithms anyway, because it goes back to what I was saying earlier.

00:20:21.067 --> 00:20:21.928
Do you back to what I was saying earlier?

00:20:21.928 --> 00:20:27.492
Do you know, when you cut people out your life, I hate it when I cut people out and people I barely had anything to do with.

00:20:27.492 --> 00:20:30.855
But suddenly they appear and they'll be like oh, how come you don't leave my facebook and stuff.

00:20:30.955 --> 00:20:51.430
I'm like that is dead awkward yeah, and it's like well, because I don't really talk to you anymore and rather than just having those conversations, I just snooze people, they're out the algorithms, I don't see them, they won't see me, and you just start to have the awkward conversation because it is awkward yeah, people that you've been friends with for years, but you don't necessarily there's a few people have blocked and I'm like, oh shit, yeah, you don't want those conversations.

00:20:51.490 --> 00:20:52.773
I don't know what to say.

00:20:52.814 --> 00:20:55.131
It's like I went through a thing I'm the guy that blocked you.

00:20:55.131 --> 00:21:05.173
Yeah, yeah, I went for my first book recently and just started unfollowing loads of pages and leaving loads of groups and stuff because I was like these are things that I joined years ago when I had particular interest in certain things, but I do.

00:21:05.173 --> 00:21:09.640
I think social media is that massive echo chamber really.

00:21:10.182 --> 00:21:18.059
I find it mostly positive yeah, well, this is it that I think if you follow positive fingers, then your social media will be positive.

00:21:18.059 --> 00:21:26.986
And I think what was happening when I was saying I was arguing with people online, I was engaging with negative things, so now I was being presented with more negative things do you know what I think it is?

00:21:27.026 --> 00:21:27.928
I think it's your ego.

00:21:27.928 --> 00:21:35.807
Yeah, if someone comments something negative about me on my post which is very rare, by the way, so bloody rare I'm like that's just my ego, isn't it?

00:21:35.807 --> 00:21:37.391
You don't have to like me anyway.

00:21:37.391 --> 00:21:41.266
Why should you have to?

00:21:42.207 --> 00:21:46.614
but then I block them because I think you're going to do it on every single post.

00:21:46.614 --> 00:21:47.055
That's it.

00:21:47.055 --> 00:21:48.319
Yeah, my page isn't about that.

00:21:48.319 --> 00:21:50.125
My page is a positive place.

00:21:50.125 --> 00:21:52.987
I don't want people like saying negative things all the time.

00:21:52.987 --> 00:21:57.555
You know, if they're not writing on my post, they're writing on someone else's no, but I guess I guess that's it.

00:21:57.615 --> 00:22:00.161
I mean talking, talking about the page and that you've done.

00:22:00.161 --> 00:22:06.605
H John, hull and Yorkshire Daily used to be Hull 01482, but you've expanded a little bit.

00:22:06.625 --> 00:22:08.748
I've changed it twice now, have you, but I'm sticking with this one.

00:22:08.748 --> 00:22:09.528
Okay, what was?

00:22:09.548 --> 00:22:11.411
it before 01482?

00:22:11.411 --> 00:22:11.411
.

00:22:11.530 --> 00:22:13.152
Oh, do you know Capturing Hull?

00:22:13.152 --> 00:22:18.856
Oh, okay, I had about 10 followers and walking about in the freezing cold, you know getting my content.

00:22:18.856 --> 00:22:20.060
So, yeah, it was nice.

00:22:20.101 --> 00:22:37.150
It's nice to watch something build up from the very scratch, you know, yeah yeah, well, I follow a lot of like classic pages and you know, going to the algorithms, I started liking some older pictures of Hull of what certain areas used to look like, you know, 50, 60 years ago.

00:22:37.150 --> 00:22:42.684
Next thing I know I'm getting ones from like Leeds, sheffield, yeah, but even like Fairfield.

00:22:42.704 --> 00:22:52.490
Oh the algorithm Like Aberdeen, yeah, like Oldford and I'm like I get that and it's all these old places Now we're starting to look up it's like historical buildings and stuff, because I've engaged with it now, yeah, that's it and that's what keeps coming up.

00:22:52.490 --> 00:22:54.902
But going back to your page, it's grown massively.

00:22:54.902 --> 00:23:00.795
It started as a Personal distraction into a movement with tens of thousands of followers now.

00:23:00.795 --> 00:23:08.575
But beyond numbers, what does the success actually mean to you to get that page off the ground in the way that you have done?

00:23:08.805 --> 00:23:17.357
Success to me is being authentic, yeah, and helping people more than the followers, yeah, more than money.

00:23:17.357 --> 00:23:19.792
So that's what I'm there for mainly.

00:23:19.792 --> 00:23:26.074
If anything good comes off the back of that, that's fantastic, but I always think if you're authentic and real in this city, people will love you.

00:23:26.875 --> 00:23:27.457
Absolutely.

00:23:27.986 --> 00:23:32.595
I feel that every day when I walk around, people are very kind and say complimentary things, so it's good.

00:23:33.346 --> 00:23:33.767
Well, do you know?

00:23:33.767 --> 00:23:36.711
Obviously I mentioned then about starting it as a personal distraction.

00:23:36.711 --> 00:23:39.332
A personal distraction to what?

00:23:39.332 --> 00:23:40.685
Why did it start, I guess?

00:23:41.366 --> 00:23:48.393
Well, I think when you binge drink on a Friday and Saturday, sometimes on a Sunday, you're left with a void, and so I think I need to fill that void, you see.

00:23:48.393 --> 00:23:58.942
So photography was a fantastic way where I can just get about by myself, mind my own business and get content, and it kept me from pubs, you know, doing the bad things.

00:24:00.184 --> 00:24:00.685
So yeah, it's fantastic.

00:24:00.685 --> 00:24:02.151
You said then about like helping people and stuff.

00:24:02.151 --> 00:24:03.935
How do you think your page does help people?

00:24:05.448 --> 00:24:06.692
Because there is a community there.

00:24:06.765 --> 00:24:13.154
If you look at the comment section, and, and you know, and and what's going on, you, you have created a community within, within your page.

00:24:13.365 --> 00:24:18.086
Some people say some incredible things and I don't forget that I'm so grateful of the followers.

00:24:18.086 --> 00:24:21.930
People are followers, people are so kind and yeah, it's really really amazing.

00:24:21.930 --> 00:24:23.651
Is there a pressure to it?

00:24:23.651 --> 00:24:31.417
No, I don't think so, because I love buildings, I love taking pictures, I love videos, so to me it's not a chore.

00:24:31.417 --> 00:24:34.279
I love what I do and I'm passionate about sharing this city.

00:24:34.279 --> 00:24:36.182
I think there's some amazing things in this city.

00:24:39.605 --> 00:24:44.508
I've never been like all in on social media, but talking to people that have worked as influencers, is there a pressure?

00:24:44.508 --> 00:24:51.159
If you like, post a photo and it gets like 700 likes, but then you post another one and it only gets like 50?

00:24:51.159 --> 00:24:51.603
Do you know what's?

00:24:51.643 --> 00:24:51.763
weird.

00:24:51.763 --> 00:24:53.144
Yeah, sometimes it's like a picture and I'll go.

00:24:53.144 --> 00:24:58.467
That is the money shot, that's going to get loads of interactions and it's like that was a bit of a flop.

00:24:58.467 --> 00:25:04.492
And I'll do one, and I think, oh, that wasn't too great, but then it'll get like 2,000 likes and loads of comments.

00:25:04.554 --> 00:25:07.175
I'm like well that's a strange one, isn't?

00:25:07.175 --> 00:25:11.821
It Is the pressure to, I suppose, chase that engagement as well with the work that you do.

00:25:11.924 --> 00:25:15.569
I think the only pressure we have is the pressure we put on ourselves at the end of the day.

00:25:15.569 --> 00:25:21.955
But I think people know when I'm posting videos and pictures that I'm passionate about it.

00:25:21.955 --> 00:25:23.779
You can see that with my videos.

00:25:23.779 --> 00:25:27.375
I love nothing more than getting videos and cropping it together.

00:25:27.375 --> 00:25:30.313
So, really, like I don't know, I'm in my zone.

00:25:30.313 --> 00:25:31.195
That's been my element.

00:25:31.195 --> 00:25:32.611
So you're from Hull yourself?

00:25:32.611 --> 00:25:34.893
Yeah, well, I grew up in Ezell, okay, yeah.

00:25:35.464 --> 00:25:37.556
So yeah, I'm not a.

00:25:37.556 --> 00:25:39.203
I prefer Hull to Ezell.

00:25:39.203 --> 00:25:41.170
Yeah, come on, I'm not knocking his old book.

00:25:41.230 --> 00:25:46.544
It's all good, it's like when people from Beverley say they're from Beverley, I'm like you're from Holt.

00:25:49.252 --> 00:25:55.444
We're all the same here, but you know what I will say the followers have been fantastic and truly amazing.

00:25:55.444 --> 00:26:00.624
I'm so deeply grateful to them For following and engaging and being so kind.

00:26:02.067 --> 00:26:04.731
What do you to have that following?

00:26:04.731 --> 00:26:09.358
Um, tell me what you like about doing it, because I noticed you.

00:26:09.358 --> 00:26:10.608
I mean you'd gone away recently.

00:26:10.608 --> 00:26:12.457
Then you've expanded to york, you know as well.

00:26:12.457 --> 00:26:14.184
Yeah, so future understand.

00:26:14.265 --> 00:26:16.334
Still no future, few train rides.

00:26:16.334 --> 00:26:18.604
Our friend of mine said don't do it, you're gonna regret it.

00:26:18.604 --> 00:26:22.811
But then after about a month or four, no, I don't't regret it, I think it's a good move.

00:26:22.951 --> 00:26:25.856
I do actually Hull's a bit of a butter, let's be honest.

00:26:25.876 --> 00:26:27.279
But yeah, it's nice to get about.

00:26:28.006 --> 00:26:28.970
What do you like about doing it then?

00:26:28.970 --> 00:26:30.944
Obviously, distraction is something that you said originally.

00:26:30.984 --> 00:26:33.354
There's something about getting the perfect picture to me.

00:26:46.444 --> 00:26:47.428
And Hull has a lot of amazing buildings here.

00:26:47.428 --> 00:26:53.971
A lot of people forget that and, yeah, I think, um, uh, historically as well, because obviously, knowing the history of the city, it was heavily bombed during world war two, um, but there's still a lot of very authentic and and old looking place.

00:26:53.991 --> 00:27:06.974
I mean, that's why it's quite a some amazing place, a big filming place isn't it like I think there was a few roads being closed over the past couple years for for movies that have been filmed in Nearing Hall because of its old look and old style.

00:27:06.974 --> 00:27:09.313
The Crown, I think, was one of them recently from Netflix.

00:27:09.724 --> 00:27:10.829
People don't realise that, do they?

00:27:10.829 --> 00:27:12.324
They're like it's all right, don't worry.

00:27:12.324 --> 00:27:13.671
People sometimes come out of my post.

00:27:13.671 --> 00:27:16.766
I'm like I don't know what you're looking, but what I'm looking it's pretty good.

00:27:16.766 --> 00:27:19.592
There's a lot of amazing buildings, buildings with history behind it.

00:27:20.272 --> 00:27:23.138
You you recognize now, obviously for doing this venture, do you know?

00:27:23.138 --> 00:27:31.972
And it's probably one of the city's biggest media outlets at the moment, and I suppose influence can be both empowering and overwhelming.

00:27:31.972 --> 00:27:38.791
How do you navigate the responsibility of shaping narratives, knowing that people look to you for inspiration?

00:27:39.634 --> 00:27:40.315
I just keep it real.

00:27:40.315 --> 00:27:42.125
Yeah, be authentic, don't be fake.

00:27:42.125 --> 00:27:46.395
I think people in this city know if you're fake, yeah, so stay authentic.

00:27:46.395 --> 00:27:47.178
Be true to yourself.

00:27:47.178 --> 00:27:49.651
Don't be cocky.

00:27:49.651 --> 00:27:55.156
No one likes that, but no, I think it keeps me on a straighter now, I assume.

00:27:55.505 --> 00:27:56.711
Did you expect to be recognised?

00:27:56.711 --> 00:27:57.865
I know it was your birthday recently.

00:27:57.865 --> 00:27:59.332
I'm actually quite introverted, you see.

00:27:59.332 --> 00:28:00.513
Yeah, I'm actually quite introverted.

00:28:00.513 --> 00:28:04.279
You see, you might not think that because I'm always on there, but I don't like fuss.

00:28:04.385 --> 00:28:06.664
I don't like birthdays, I don't like anything fussy.

00:28:06.664 --> 00:28:10.365
I don't like Christmas, to be honest, because it's just fuss, isn't it?

00:28:10.424 --> 00:28:24.645
I'm like I don't want to just fuss, but for people to be shouting to you and wishing you a happy birthday, especially when, like I mentioned it just before we started recording, your page isn't about you, it's about the city, it's about yorkshire, it's about the environment.

00:28:24.645 --> 00:28:28.797
Of course, there's the occasional picture of you that's posted, but very rarely so.

00:28:28.797 --> 00:28:31.971
Um, was you ever expecting to be recognized?

00:28:31.991 --> 00:28:36.950
like no, because when I started it I got to about 8 000 followers and people like who is this mystery guy?

00:28:36.950 --> 00:28:42.933
And it was like I thought there was an idea for me just to keep it like without me like Banksy.

00:28:42.953 --> 00:28:43.615
Yeah, like Banksy.

00:28:43.926 --> 00:28:45.218
I thought I'll stay like Banksy.

00:28:45.218 --> 00:28:46.005
That'll be so interesting.

00:28:46.005 --> 00:28:49.019
I'll go to the pub and my mates will be like who's that guy?

00:28:49.099 --> 00:28:50.728
and I'm just stood there like who is it?

00:28:51.528 --> 00:29:00.771
I did actually debate doing that, but then, after like 8,000 followers, I woke up one morning and I thought nah, put a face to the.

00:29:00.771 --> 00:29:05.799
Some people were surprised, yeah, but I think there was people on my page that probably didn't like me and they probably unfollowed me.

00:29:05.799 --> 00:29:07.989
Like, oh, it's him.

00:29:07.989 --> 00:29:09.573
Yeah, the previous me, by the way.

00:29:09.573 --> 00:29:11.798
Yeah, I don't know anything bad well, listen to talk.

00:29:11.884 --> 00:29:17.070
Talk to me about that, then, the previous version of yourself and how things have changed, because it does seem like, obviously.

00:29:17.070 --> 00:29:22.273
I mean there's the physical appearances that was talked about already um, tell me what.

00:29:22.273 --> 00:29:27.053
What are some of the biggest changes that you've noticed in yourself from previously to who?

00:29:27.073 --> 00:29:33.750
you are today I feel a lot more confident in myself, and I've always struggled with confidence, so that's improved a lot.

00:29:33.750 --> 00:29:37.875
Even being sat here takes a lot of courage and confidence.

00:29:38.526 --> 00:29:40.153
As I say, that grew up for me yeah.

00:29:41.486 --> 00:29:43.011
So yeah, I just work with that, I think.

00:29:43.566 --> 00:29:45.011
That's all you can do, I suppose, isn't it?

00:29:45.011 --> 00:29:49.916
You mentioned being authentic being the key to your success.

00:29:49.916 --> 00:30:00.718
So, I suppose, in a world where social media encourages perfection, how do you ensure that you do remain authentic to yourself?

00:30:01.986 --> 00:30:03.089
That's a good question actually.

00:30:03.089 --> 00:30:08.921
Um, I don't know, I think just I just keep carrying on what I'm doing.

00:30:08.921 --> 00:30:11.448
I just focus on the videos and pictures, more so than myself.

00:30:11.448 --> 00:30:18.574
You see, yeah, if it becomes about me, it's a bit I don't know narcissistic yeah, I get that yeah people oh, it's all about him.

00:30:18.574 --> 00:30:19.696
He's like no, it's about this city.

00:30:19.696 --> 00:30:28.298
I think I love this city, my heart belongs here and I love it With the like you said, the interest in psychology and stuff and yourself.

00:30:29.484 --> 00:30:46.333
I guess what's the work that you have been doing to yourself in order to reach this place, despite the physical things again we've all been talking about, I've spent thousands of hours working on myself, thousands just sat alone by myself in my room watching reading personal growth.

00:30:46.373 --> 00:30:49.163
It's become a habit and, uh, almost an obsession for me to better myself every day.

00:30:49.163 --> 00:30:51.810
Um, I think that's a very good thing to strive for walk me through that.

00:30:51.830 --> 00:30:52.854
How does that look then?

00:30:52.854 --> 00:30:54.727
Spending them hours, what is it that you're doing?

00:30:55.008 --> 00:30:57.675
a lot of people couldn't do it, but I don't mind being alone actually.

00:30:57.675 --> 00:31:08.434
No, yeah, I'll just sit at home, read books, books, robert Greene, things like that, things that I find interesting about psychology and how I can elevate myself to become a better person.

00:31:08.434 --> 00:31:08.675
Really.

00:31:09.546 --> 00:31:11.452
You said to mention earlier about being spiritual.

00:31:11.452 --> 00:31:14.693
Do you follow any sort of religion or spiritualism?

00:31:14.944 --> 00:31:18.271
I believe there's a God and I'm drawn to Christianity.

00:31:18.271 --> 00:31:21.838
I don't know about you, but Do you know what?

00:31:21.838 --> 00:31:25.330
It's a grey area, isn't it?

00:31:25.330 --> 00:31:30.151
It is because if I bring religion up, people, I'm alienating people, you see.

00:31:30.151 --> 00:31:30.984
So I'm very wary of that.

00:31:32.153 --> 00:31:50.047
I think, for me, it's just the fact that me and you are sat right here right now, and this, everything that's going on around us, the fact we live on a planet where everything is just the resources that we're, just the fact that we're here, it's mind boggling, isn't it?

00:31:50.047 --> 00:31:52.413
If you really think about it, it's just a bit mind boggling.

00:31:52.413 --> 00:31:53.236
Do you know what?

00:31:53.325 --> 00:31:55.848
Every single night when I lay in bed, I always think why am I here?

00:31:56.048 --> 00:31:56.328
Yeah.

00:31:56.710 --> 00:31:57.171
Why am I here?

00:31:57.171 --> 00:31:57.751
Why do I exist?

00:31:57.751 --> 00:32:00.496
There's got to be more to just going to work and coming home right.

00:32:00.496 --> 00:32:03.861
There's got to be more than that, Absolutely yeah, and that's why I don't sleep properly.

00:32:06.469 --> 00:32:10.298
I think I, no, no, but I always say I'm open to the concept of.

00:32:10.298 --> 00:32:29.092
What I don't like is religion being this very structured idea, and I think when I meet people who do have faith in this really structured way of and a belief system that's so structured, I'm like how do you have that?

00:32:29.092 --> 00:32:35.232
Like this happened on this day and God said this, and then this happened, and it's like I just don't believe it where it's held.

00:32:35.232 --> 00:32:41.315
If there is a God, if there is a higher power, I just don't believe it's anything within our understanding.

00:32:41.315 --> 00:32:47.826
Yeah, I partially agree with that, because it's like I I believe in the big bang theory, but then someone says, well, what happened before the big bang?

00:32:47.846 --> 00:32:51.497
it's almost like did someone cause the big or something caused the big bang.

00:32:51.497 --> 00:32:54.613
You know, it just blows my mind I'm like for me.

00:32:54.613 --> 00:32:57.425
I'm always trying to find who I am, because I'm like who even am I?

00:32:57.425 --> 00:33:03.590
Yeah, and when I do digging about the world and planets, I'm like I'm so meaningless I don't mean anything.

00:33:03.590 --> 00:33:07.454
So when I have an ego sometimes we all have egos, right I put myself back to bed.

00:33:07.454 --> 00:33:08.336
I'm like, I'm just a nobody.

00:33:08.516 --> 00:33:10.897
Yeah, in this world, I'm just a nothing.

00:33:10.897 --> 00:33:14.320
There's a video which shows F and then it zooms out.

00:33:14.361 --> 00:33:15.902
I've seen that it shows the solar system.

00:33:15.902 --> 00:33:18.145
I'm thinking that right now.

00:33:18.145 --> 00:33:18.787
I'm like you know.

00:33:18.987 --> 00:33:23.615
Then it shows stars, and it just goes on and on and on to the biggest things in our discovery and understanding.

00:33:23.635 --> 00:33:27.590
I think it starts off something like you are anxious, yeah, it's just a guy sat here and he goes.

00:33:27.590 --> 00:33:31.275
Oh my God, I'm so meaningless.

00:33:31.275 --> 00:33:31.635
Well, that's it.

00:33:32.484 --> 00:33:35.769
Some people find that really scary, but I find it comforting.

00:33:35.808 --> 00:33:39.334
I find it quite scary, I find it comforting, but when we die, die where do we go?

00:33:39.334 --> 00:33:39.973
That's the question.

00:33:40.114 --> 00:33:41.296
Yeah, where do we go?

00:33:41.296 --> 00:33:44.619
I believe the same thing happens that happened before he was born.

00:33:44.619 --> 00:33:46.931
Yeah, it's like return to nothingness.

00:33:47.792 --> 00:33:48.742
It's scary in a way.

00:33:48.742 --> 00:33:53.609
Yeah, last night I was laying in bed and they had like heartburn I think, and I'm like, oh god, I think I'm on my way out.

00:33:53.886 --> 00:33:59.471
I've got a podcast tomorrow and I'm like oh no, terrible time to die.00:33:59.471 --> 00:34:00.773


I was actually thinking that in my head.00:34:00.773 --> 00:34:09.282


I can't die now maybe the day after if I don't still post it, disclaim it, still post it.00:34:09.282 --> 00:34:16.885


I do like that deep thinking really, and, like I say for me, I'm a very anxious person.00:34:16.885 --> 00:34:21.755


I couldn't tell sitting here, no, but again, it's kind of what you said.00:34:21.755 --> 00:34:22.170


You hide it though, don't you?00:34:22.170 --> 00:34:23.043


You mask, no, but there's a lot again.00:34:22.992 --> 00:34:23.177


It's kind of what you said.00:34:23.177 --> 00:34:23.730


It's that you hide it though, don't you?00:34:23.730 --> 00:34:24.603


You mask it absolutely.00:34:24.603 --> 00:34:25.969


Yeah, and that's a skill itself.00:34:25.969 --> 00:34:29.130


I'm nervous sat here, but yeah, but you wouldn't do it.00:34:30.068 --> 00:34:41.981


I've done podcasts in the past, but just before we started recording I've had like a bit of a mini panic attack and then you've come in and I have shared that with a few people in the past when they seem quite nervous.00:34:42.001 --> 00:34:45.865


When doing the podcast I was like, don't worry, because I think I understand it for me.00:34:45.865 --> 00:34:56.096


I sometimes get anxious about not being trapped, but the fact that I'm stuck in conversation for the next hour and a half, that can sometimes be a little bit overwhelming.00:34:56.096 --> 00:34:58.105


I've got to remind myself.00:34:58.105 --> 00:35:02.429


Actually, mate, if you want to stop, same thing I said to you you ever want to stop and you just want to go out.00:35:02.429 --> 00:35:04.987


Nothing wrong with that there's nothing, we're only human right.00:35:05.027 --> 00:35:05.731


Exactly, yeah.00:35:05.731 --> 00:35:08.282


If you take away this microphone, yeah, yeah, we're in a pub.00:35:08.282 --> 00:35:08.724


Exactly.00:35:09.045 --> 00:35:17.090


I mean, ten times more confident, yeah, but it's just the scenario your brain starts going oh, actually I should be navy, I should be this and that, but yeah, you just gotta forget it?00:35:17.090 --> 00:35:18.132


I think absolutely, yeah.00:35:18.132 --> 00:35:23.739


Um, you've launched path Collective, which is a support group for people on their own journeys of change.00:35:23.739 --> 00:35:27.014


So what inspired you to create?00:35:27.034 --> 00:35:27.215


this.00:35:27.215 --> 00:35:35.148


I had a vision last year and I thought right, I want to grow a platform and I want to spawn off the back of that something positive, yeah, everything's positive.00:35:35.148 --> 00:35:36.152


So I want to help people.00:35:36.152 --> 00:35:37.990


That's the forefront of all my mind.00:35:37.990 --> 00:35:39.266


I think I need to help people.00:35:39.266 --> 00:35:44.096


So's the for a group where people can be honest about themselves, the problems they're facing.00:35:44.096 --> 00:35:46.927


I can just help one another, you know, maybe meet up for coffees and things like that.00:35:46.927 --> 00:35:48.992


So that was my reasoning.00:35:49.012 --> 00:36:06.771


Beyond that, um, which I plan to be a lot more active in going forward to see how it goes, what do you think people truly need when they're, when they're wanting to break them cycles of whether it be addiction, self-destruction?00:36:06.791 --> 00:36:07.635


Good friend network, I think.00:36:07.885 --> 00:36:08.989


Do you think that's the main thing?00:36:08.989 --> 00:36:09.914


That is number one.00:36:10.074 --> 00:36:11.201


Yeah 100%.00:36:11.201 --> 00:36:12.085


Having a big support network.00:36:12.085 --> 00:36:16.056


I think your circle of friends determine your future all day long.00:36:16.056 --> 00:36:22.414


And if I look back at my life being 16, 15, 17, I'm hanging around with people and I'm thinking that ain't healthy.00:36:22.414 --> 00:36:26.431


Yeah, life being 16, 15, 17, I'm hanging around with people.00:36:26.431 --> 00:36:28.556


I'm thinking that ain't healthy.00:36:28.556 --> 00:36:30.061


Yeah, you know, it's just people no ambition, or yeah, it's not good.00:36:30.061 --> 00:36:31.726


You need to really look in the mirror and change your circle of friends.00:36:31.746 --> 00:36:35.016


Yeah, that's the number one thing I would do yeah, circle, circle.00:36:35.016 --> 00:36:45.027


Friends are so important, because I often think about this is like um, um, I've got my daughter, she's, she's free, and there's conversations about oh, oh, she's like your dad, or do you know my wife?00:36:45.027 --> 00:36:46.753


So you're like your dad and I'm like, oh, you're like your mum.00:36:46.824 --> 00:37:10.739


But the reality is you only get that for a small window of time and then it becomes then influences from friendship groups and like, I would argue that I am more like my friends than I am like my mum or my dad, right, because of the influence that your friends have on you.00:37:10.739 --> 00:37:12.797


Yeah, but you see it with with what we do in terms of addiction, um, I've done a outreach.00:37:12.797 --> 00:37:15.518


I remember doing an outreach and I turned up and there was this real big like four bed detached house and I like that was the address on it.00:37:15.518 --> 00:37:32.400


I'm doing a knock on the door and I'm thinking I've got the wrong house here, because again there was this um, almost stereotyping made of where I'd be going and I'd be looking at the uh, social background of that person's situation and and I'm thinking, and then, like, his dad opened the door and I said I'm here to say yeah, come on in.00:37:32.460 --> 00:37:38.715


And I'm looking, I'm thinking how has this happened when you've got a wealthy family, a really nice house?00:37:38.715 --> 00:37:54.467


But then, when you start to unpick that conversation, he talked a lot about his friendship circles and his influences with his friends and how it started for him and it's like, oh so, even though he'd come from this really good, like I suppose, like I said, I mean he spoke highly of his mum and dad.00:37:54.467 --> 00:38:02.496


But even though he came from this um really positive background, it was still the social circles that derailed him and took him off track really.00:38:02.496 --> 00:38:10.757


So I don't think people realise how important those influences and those circles are in terms of shaping us as individuals as well.00:38:11.025 --> 00:38:12.284


Yeah, it's massively important, isn't it?00:38:12.284 --> 00:38:14.936


It has a massive bearing to where you're heading in life.00:38:14.936 --> 00:38:19.213


I think Absolutely yeah, and I don't think people should be ashamed of changing your friends.00:38:19.233 --> 00:38:20.074


There's nothing wrong with that.00:38:20.295 --> 00:38:21.036


It's nothing personal.00:38:21.445 --> 00:38:24.074


I don't hate you, I don't hate anyone there's no other planet I hate.00:38:24.074 --> 00:38:25.677


People might hate me, but I don't hate you.00:38:25.677 --> 00:38:26.164


Yeah, you don't hate me.00:38:26.164 --> 00:38:26.987


It's a one-way hit.00:38:26.987 --> 00:38:27.489


You know what I mean?00:38:27.489 --> 00:38:28.574


Yeah, a lot of certain, yeah.00:38:28.905 --> 00:38:29.869


It's a waste of my energy.00:38:29.869 --> 00:38:30.630


Why would I?00:38:30.630 --> 00:38:31.755


I just don't get it.00:38:36.751 --> 00:38:46.764


Yeah, what's next for you, then, and do you feel like you're actively shaping your future, or does it feel like it's kind of just unfolding in ways that you never expected it to?00:38:46.764 --> 00:38:46.864


I?00:38:46.905 --> 00:38:49.012


feel life was meant to pan out for me this way.00:38:49.012 --> 00:38:54.110


I feel like I was meant to do pictures, videography, and I was meant to grow Going forward.00:38:54.110 --> 00:38:58.373


I think I want to just triple my followers because I'm doing something positive, not negative.00:38:58.373 --> 00:39:08.411


So yeah, just keep ploughing on with my content and having faith in what I'm doing, absolutely and I suppose faith is an interesting one.00:39:08.606 --> 00:39:10.873


Do you believe in faith or do you think that you do?00:39:10.913 --> 00:39:11.355


create your own path.00:39:11.355 --> 00:39:12.619


I think so to a degree.00:39:12.619 --> 00:39:21.393


Yeah, I think people in our lives are not for a very good reason right, and sometimes when someone leaves my life, I think someone's seen something above that maybe I didn't see.00:39:21.393 --> 00:39:24.398


Maybe it was destiny and it was meant to pan out this way.00:39:24.398 --> 00:39:25.927


I don't know what your thoughts are on that.00:39:26.550 --> 00:39:27.552


No, do you know what I like it?00:39:27.552 --> 00:39:28.516


I find it comforting.00:39:28.516 --> 00:39:46.255


I find destiny and fate to be a comforting thing, because I think when life does throw you a bit of a curveball and you're not where you feel like you're supposed to be, I think there's an element of just thinking just be patient, this is supposed to happen, in time, it'll all work out.00:39:46.255 --> 00:39:48.021


I think that can be quite a comforting thing.00:39:48.021 --> 00:39:57.952


Um, but then I also, when I talk about things that you know, frustrate me, is like the idea of that everything is out of my control and that everything is happening because it's supposed to happen.00:39:57.992 --> 00:40:04.375


Sometimes I can find it the opposite I find it overwhelming therapeutic to know like if someone's not in my life.00:40:04.375 --> 00:40:07.148


I'm very happy with that now it doesn't bother me before I'd be very bitter.00:40:07.148 --> 00:40:08.635


I'm like, yeah, what you don't want to be with me.00:40:08.635 --> 00:40:10.664


You know it's quite arrogant really.00:40:10.664 --> 00:40:12.972


When I think about it it's like it is what it is.00:40:12.972 --> 00:40:18.269


If no one's in my life and I'm cool with that, get hung up on it sort of thing yeah, I get that I've got a series of questions I'm going to ask.00:40:18.289 --> 00:40:31.855


But I've got a series of questions that I'm going to ask, but I've got a bit of a twist on them this time because obviously I think, talking about enjoying thought-provoking questions, I'm going to ask you what is your favourite word and why.00:40:33.246 --> 00:40:34.349


I don't think I want to air that.00:40:34.751 --> 00:40:35.092


Go on?00:40:35.092 --> 00:40:35.514


No, you can.00:40:36.027 --> 00:40:38.224


It's quite an awful word and I don't swear.00:40:38.224 --> 00:40:41.530


I try not to swear because you know I'm quite old school.00:40:41.530 --> 00:40:42.974


Women watch stuff like this.00:40:43.014 --> 00:40:44.376


Okay, and older people?00:40:44.376 --> 00:40:45.458


Well, I know what word you're going to say.00:40:46.606 --> 00:40:49.173


Most people could, probably my mum will probably be watching it, does it?00:40:49.173 --> 00:40:49.956


It begins with a C.00:40:50.324 --> 00:40:53.355


Does that word hold any personal meaning for you, then?00:40:53.885 --> 00:41:01.878


It begins with a, C and it's very powerful and if I stub my toe I'll probably shout it what's your least favorite word?00:41:01.898 --> 00:41:04.960


something that oh, do you know what it is got the word ick, ick.00:41:05.440 --> 00:41:07.501


What gives you the ick and I see people walking on the mic what gives you an?00:41:07.541 --> 00:41:07.641


ick.00:41:07.641 --> 00:41:10.110


I'm like what gives me an ick?00:41:10.110 --> 00:41:10.811


Is you using that word?00:41:10.831 --> 00:41:17.614


yeah, I've never heard that since like a few years ago does it evoke um, so that it gives me the ick yeah, I get that.00:41:17.693 --> 00:41:18.275


I get that.00:41:18.275 --> 00:41:20.586


Frustration is what I'd say that comes with.00:41:20.586 --> 00:41:26.364


Yeah, tell me something that excites you, whether that be creatively, spiritually or emotionally.00:41:26.603 --> 00:41:28.751


Women just in general.00:41:28.751 --> 00:41:36.273


Yeah, I love women pictures photography all city, of course yeah it's been a rough season.00:41:36.313 --> 00:41:44.331


But yeah, probably them three, obviously family yeah makes me happy as well is there a moment or experience that makes you feel truly alive?00:41:45.235 --> 00:41:45.856


Taking a picture.00:41:45.856 --> 00:41:47.742


Yeah, that might sound really boring.00:41:47.762 --> 00:41:48.804


No, no, no, I think it is.00:41:48.804 --> 00:41:51.454


You get happy taking pictures, no genuinely I'm in my element.00:41:51.474 --> 00:41:53.972


Yeah, I took one of my favourite pictures I ever took.00:41:53.972 --> 00:41:56.056


It was on.00:41:56.056 --> 00:41:57.690


I need to see these pictures, matt.00:41:57.690 --> 00:42:03.885


Yeah, I'll have to show you this one.00:42:03.885 --> 00:42:10.710


It was on a Polaroid camera and I took it and I was on Brooklyn Bridge and I took the picture and it was just to get a picture of the Brooklyn Bridge and there's a guy holding up his girlfriend in the air, almost like spinning her.00:42:10.710 --> 00:42:13.344


And I didn't realise at the time because obviously we were Polaroid.00:42:13.344 --> 00:42:14.253


I just took the picture.00:42:14.253 --> 00:42:21.891


And then I remember being on the bus back up to my hotel in Times Square, looking at this picture, thinking, wow, what a moment.00:42:21.891 --> 00:42:22.873


I just captured that.00:42:22.873 --> 00:42:33.228


So I think there is something in photography of like that that couple there they might even be together now, god knows, you know but I I captured a moment in time and I think it's never gonna happen again.00:42:33.268 --> 00:42:34.838


It's never gonna happen again when you take a picture.00:42:34.838 --> 00:42:40.172


It's never gonna happen again when, if I'm taking a video, yeah, them sequence of events will never happen again.00:42:40.172 --> 00:42:41.916


Yeah, it's once in a moment, and that's why.00:42:41.936 --> 00:42:47.373


I get so fascinated by it and I don't think people look at photography with that same deep meaning that they should do.00:42:47.625 --> 00:42:52.110


And do you know, if I'm walking about, sometimes I'll be taking a video or I'll see something I need to video that.00:42:52.110 --> 00:42:53.590


I'm trying to get my phone as quick as I can.00:42:53.590 --> 00:42:54.333


I'm trying to record it.00:43:03.105 --> 00:43:04.411


I'm like oh, marquee, I need to be quicker.00:43:04.411 --> 00:43:12.000


It's a bit of a sad question, but, like, if you go to a gig or a concert or something, I think most people tend to watch the entire concert with their phone in their hand, filming it for social media.00:43:12.019 --> 00:43:13.728


It's never been for me like music concerts.00:43:13.728 --> 00:43:14.833


No, I've never digged it.00:43:15.210 --> 00:43:17.230


I guess the opposite of what we're talking about.00:43:17.230 --> 00:43:23.398


No, do you ever just allow yourself to just experience the moment without the photographer?00:43:23.398 --> 00:43:23.965


The video, do you?00:43:23.985 --> 00:43:24.065


ever.00:43:24.065 --> 00:43:26.436


Just, it's very hard now because of what I do.00:43:26.436 --> 00:43:28.103


Yeah, yeah, I used to go to the football.00:43:28.103 --> 00:43:31.217


That was my escape of just I'm doing nothing, I'm just gonna watch the game.00:43:31.217 --> 00:43:32.724


Now, what times the football?00:43:32.724 --> 00:43:36.842


I'm like, oh, that'd be a good picture yeah, so it almost distracts me everything I do now.00:43:37.163 --> 00:43:40.451


Everywhere I go, I'm like I need a picture yeah, I was gonna say that must be be quite frustrating.00:43:40.451 --> 00:43:42.175


I think that's the modern world now, isn't it?00:43:42.295 --> 00:43:44.614


it's become an addiction to me everywhere.00:43:44.614 --> 00:43:45.704


I go, I'm like I need to take a picture.00:43:45.704 --> 00:43:49.791


My ex-partner was driving down a country road and I'm like stop, stop the car.00:43:49.791 --> 00:43:52.045


I can't just go out for a meal.00:43:52.045 --> 00:43:58.932


I'm like, no, look at the sunset, please just give me a minute.00:43:58.932 --> 00:44:01.577


And she's like, oh my, it can be a bit overbearing, I guess.00:44:01.617 --> 00:44:03.820


But it's serving me well it is.00:44:03.820 --> 00:44:05.784


It's having that cut off point if you've got a partner.00:44:06.634 --> 00:44:07.443


I need to know when to like.00:44:07.443 --> 00:44:09.525


Alright, let me just have some beans on toast and chill with you.00:44:10.572 --> 00:44:12.244


I don't need to take pictures of my beans.00:44:12.306 --> 00:44:20.097


Yeah, it gets intense but also because people have been so supportive of me, I feel it's so important for me to message back, so I'm very responsive on my posts, you see.00:44:20.097 --> 00:44:23.965


So if I'm sat with someone like my ex-partner or something, let's call her Jane.00:44:23.965 --> 00:44:31.117


For whatever sake, I don't want a lawsuit and it's like you know why are you responding and I'm like, listen, it'll be 10 minutes.00:44:31.117 --> 00:44:36.246


I have to respond to people because I know and I appreciate how much support they've given me.00:44:36.246 --> 00:44:37.489


I can't ignore.00:44:37.608 --> 00:44:45.371


It gets me in trouble obviously you mentioned ex-partner, then is this sort of the photography I?00:44:45.532 --> 00:44:46.235


blame the photography?00:44:46.275 --> 00:44:50.588


no, blame me but is it having like an impact on your personal relationships?00:44:50.588 --> 00:44:51.532


I think so.00:44:51.532 --> 00:44:52.454


I'm happy alone, you see.00:44:52.494 --> 00:44:53.056


I'm not.00:44:53.056 --> 00:44:55.492


I'm not that bothered.00:44:55.492 --> 00:44:58.130


Yeah, I mean again, life is what it is.00:44:58.130 --> 00:45:01.253


I still have feelings for people, and they're not in my life.00:45:01.253 --> 00:45:02.327


But I'm like, I'm cool with that.00:45:02.327 --> 00:45:05.512


That's fine, you know, as long as I'm better with myself, then that's good.00:45:05.512 --> 00:45:10.019


But yeah, there's a cut off point in the term work and even yourself.00:45:10.019 --> 00:45:12.784


If you go home and you come to talk about work, it's like, for sake, how would you?00:45:17.411 --> 00:45:20.034


you know, you of just I don't talk about anything.00:45:20.034 --> 00:45:22.458


Really, I'm quite a closed book.00:45:22.458 --> 00:45:23.119


Oh was your day.00:45:23.139 --> 00:45:24.742


Yeah, it was fun, and it might not have been fun.00:45:24.742 --> 00:45:25.943


You seem really back to me there.00:45:25.963 --> 00:45:27.126


Well, this is it, I think.00:45:27.126 --> 00:45:35.077


Do you know what it sounds awful, this, but I think in my head I've kind of created this idea of, and I've done it.00:45:35.077 --> 00:45:36.686


I've walked past someone and gone hey, are you all right?00:45:36.686 --> 00:45:38.250


And I'm go, yeah, you're all right.00:45:38.250 --> 00:45:39.952


And then they've gone no, not really.00:45:39.952 --> 00:45:46.963


And then they've given me the life story that's a care boat that I know and I'm thinking, fuck, I don't actually care right now, I've got my own stuff on.00:45:47.003 --> 00:45:47.543


It's very awkward, isn't?00:45:47.664 --> 00:46:05.597


it, I know, and you've got to wait, and it sounds really negative that to say I don't care Because obviously you do right to me and me bear all, and say, no, I'm not doing all right and become an inconvenience because I know what that's like.00:46:05.597 --> 00:46:06.682


So I just go with the classic yeah, everything's fine.00:46:06.682 --> 00:46:08.688


Even when I always do that, I could be having the worst day ever.00:46:08.688 --> 00:46:11.556


I'm like, yeah, I'm amazing, everything's great.00:46:12.306 --> 00:46:14.612


the reality of life is, and this is very true.00:46:14.612 --> 00:46:16.317


Not every day you're going to be happy, not every day.00:46:16.317 --> 00:46:22.052


I wake up and I fling my curtains off and I'm like, yeah, do you know, like our life is is incredible because we're human, aren't we?00:46:22.052 --> 00:46:25.838


And our brain is like the weather it's sunny, it's cloudy, it's a mix.00:46:25.838 --> 00:46:27.581


You know, I'm not.00:46:27.581 --> 00:46:29.693


I'm lucky that I don't get depression.00:46:29.693 --> 00:46:31.483


Really, I'm very fortunate, I'm blessed.00:46:31.483 --> 00:46:37.789


I know it exists, I know it's out there, because there was times when I was drinking and I'm thinking, oh, maybe I've got a bit of well done.00:46:37.789 --> 00:46:43.038


But when I stopped, I'm like, actually, I'm 10 times happier and sometimes I do fling my curtains off my own.00:46:43.297 --> 00:46:44.260


What a glorious day.00:46:44.260 --> 00:46:45.882


But you know, we're only human.00:46:45.902 --> 00:46:50.536


So I might wake up tomorrow and I'm like, oh god it's when people say like, oh, you've got to live every day like it's your last.00:46:50.536 --> 00:46:55.487


I was like, well, if I did that, I'd be skinned that's a risky move and I wouldn't be going to fucking work would I do.00:46:55.507 --> 00:46:56.188


You know what I mean.00:46:56.188 --> 00:47:07.050


If it was my danger, you see, because I used to live in Marbella, in Spain and I lived there for six years, so I was getting people into bars.00:47:07.050 --> 00:47:08.034


You know where are you going tonight?00:47:08.074 --> 00:47:10.170


blah, one of them annoying people yeah.00:47:10.170 --> 00:47:11.175


I was one of them.00:47:11.175 --> 00:47:12.188


What came with?00:47:12.208 --> 00:47:25.793


that was like oh, actually I can get drinks behind the bar, so I'd be getting drinks behind the bar, more drinks, and that kind of stemmed a real problem of I wasn't living in reality.00:47:25.793 --> 00:47:27.378


So for six years I'm in spain and I'm like beach all day party by night.00:47:27.378 --> 00:47:28.481


Yeah, my life's made right, life's perfect.00:47:28.481 --> 00:47:36.900


But when you get older and you're 30, some I'm like I'm actually isn't as romantic as I thought you know stood in a street corner getting people in bars like yeah, yeah, you did.00:47:36.960 --> 00:47:40.331


I suppose, like it goes back to what you said earlier, like when you're when you're.00:47:40.612 --> 00:47:42.396


There's only so many times you get told to piss off in your life.00:47:42.396 --> 00:47:45.434


Actually, my feels were getting shorter every year, Like, oh you what.00:47:46.545 --> 00:47:49.610


Like you said, it's them behaviours that, when you're doing them in your early 20s, the fan.00:47:49.610 --> 00:47:56.766


When you're in your late 30s, early 30s, even mid-30s, it's just not as endearing as it used to be.00:47:57.121 --> 00:48:01.226


You feel like I'm not saying this is true, because I feel like a bit of a loser.00:48:01.226 --> 00:48:05.387


Really, everyone's got their house together and everything's in order, and it's me getting people in bars.00:48:05.387 --> 00:48:09.827


It's a thing in your 20s and I think in your 20s it's an amazing thing to do.00:48:09.827 --> 00:48:10.661


You come out of your shell.00:48:10.661 --> 00:48:12.204


It learns you to communicate properly.00:48:12.204 --> 00:48:16.010


But when I hit 30, I'm like, oh God, I'm a bit of arthritis now.00:48:16.210 --> 00:48:17.614


And I'm doing this.00:48:17.614 --> 00:48:21.717


It's all the things that used to be socially acceptable that just aren't anymore.00:48:22.141 --> 00:48:24.489


It was a great time to be alive, though I've fully enjoyed it.00:48:24.489 --> 00:48:27.708


I don't miss, and I don't regret many things.00:48:27.708 --> 00:48:28.490


It is what it is, isn't it?00:48:28.490 --> 00:48:32.461


But I created some great memories over there, and that's all it's about.00:48:32.601 --> 00:48:35.005


Yeah, and you talk about what happens when you die.00:48:35.005 --> 00:48:38.889


Who knows, but I think when you're in your, you will never know, and that's the beauty of life isn't it?00:48:38.889 --> 00:48:42.974


Exactly when you're in your 80s, on your deathbed, the only thing you can be looking at is backup memories, isn't it?00:48:42.974 --> 00:48:43.416


And do you know what?00:48:43.480 --> 00:48:44.826


I always picture myself as an old man.00:48:44.826 --> 00:48:52.666


I always picture myself as an 80-year-old man and I think, would that bother me?00:48:52.666 --> 00:48:56.530


It's like, am I going to be 80, wishing to give more attention to that?00:48:56.530 --> 00:48:57.811


You know you're not, are you no?00:48:57.990 --> 00:49:00.954


I had a bit of a back and forth with someone on social media last week.00:49:00.954 --> 00:49:02.155


It was the first time I've done it in months.00:49:02.155 --> 00:49:02.996


Was it a proper ding-dong?00:49:02.996 --> 00:49:04.717


It was just pointless.00:49:04.717 --> 00:49:09.050


I realised I put so much effort into this all night and it had really ruined my mood.00:49:09.050 --> 00:49:14.447


This guy and again I normally give myself the insight and the foresight.00:49:14.447 --> 00:49:18.134


Should I the insight and the foresight I should say, is this going to bother me a week from now?00:49:18.134 --> 00:49:20.329


No, and I just don't engage in it.00:49:20.329 --> 00:49:22.706


If that's going to be the case and I think that's what I need to do more.00:49:22.706 --> 00:49:28.309


I can feel myself slipping back into old habits with social media, but I didn't go on social media for like a year.00:49:28.719 --> 00:49:32.302


I've got a golden rule yeah, never respond to a troll.00:49:32.302 --> 00:49:34.905


And it's very few and far between that I get them, oh no.00:49:34.905 --> 00:49:38.409


But when someone crops up, I'm like delete, block, yeah, instant block, yeah.00:49:38.409 --> 00:49:39.130


How do I entertain it?00:49:39.130 --> 00:49:43.376


And if I do ever bite, I'm like oh, for the rest of the day I'm sat there thinking why did I?00:49:43.376 --> 00:49:43.635


Bite.00:49:43.635 --> 00:49:50.123


It just ruins your mood, doesn't it?00:49:50.182 --> 00:49:54.025


Yeah, it's like it's just such a waste of my life, Like you know it, Because I just sat home on the board.00:49:54.045 --> 00:49:55.646


They're like I want to get a reaction out of him.00:49:55.646 --> 00:49:56.547


I just won.00:49:56.547 --> 00:50:07.054


Exactly what makes you feel disconnected from yourself, then being in a pub full of people who are incredibly drunk.00:50:07.054 --> 00:50:11.496


Yeah, Because I think there's something that makes me really depressed.00:50:11.496 --> 00:50:17.568


I'm like this is so depressing and I don't want to sound like I'm being awful and just attacking people who drink.00:50:17.512 --> 00:50:17.831


Yeah, no, I get it.00:50:17.831 --> 00:50:17.876


Yeah.00:50:17.936 --> 00:50:19.865


I understand people go to work and you're entitled to have a drink.00:50:19.865 --> 00:50:20.731


People work hard, right?00:50:20.731 --> 00:50:22.125


Who am I to say I don't drink.00:50:22.125 --> 00:50:26.327


You know it's not my position, but my problem isn't that.00:50:26.327 --> 00:50:33.704


My problem is people who are getting incredibly drunk to a point they can barely stand and I'm like poor.00:50:33.704 --> 00:50:34.385


That's depressing.00:50:34.385 --> 00:50:37.309


Yeah, but he's repeating himself talking about fighting.00:50:37.309 --> 00:50:39.373


I'm like, oh God, I've been that guy.00:50:39.413 --> 00:50:41.034


That's exactly that's what I was going to ask.00:50:41.034 --> 00:50:41.916


Oh, this is cringy.00:50:41.916 --> 00:50:42.797


Yeah, so is it?00:50:42.797 --> 00:50:48.153


It's less the behaviors that people are displaying and it's more that you see your older self in those behaviors.00:50:48.173 --> 00:50:52.864


Is that, yeah, yeah.00:50:53.244 --> 00:50:56.528


And that's why you probably find it more annoying than it probably should be.00:50:56.548 --> 00:51:00.393


I think when I first stopped, there was a guy I remember this oh, I've got you a shot.00:51:00.393 --> 00:51:01.414


I said, oh, I don't drink anymore.00:51:01.414 --> 00:51:02.394


What do you mean?00:51:02.394 --> 00:51:03.797


I said oh, I don't drink.00:51:03.797 --> 00:51:05.286


He's like oh, there's a shot there.00:51:05.286 --> 00:51:09.664


I said, yeah, no, I can see.00:51:09.664 --> 00:51:13.547


He said thank you, but I don't want a drink.00:51:13.547 --> 00:51:15.690


And he kept pushing it and I got angry.00:51:15.690 --> 00:51:18.271


I said, listen, stop now it's getting pathetic.00:51:18.431 --> 00:51:18.893


I don't want it.00:51:19.032 --> 00:51:19.833


Give it to him instead.00:51:19.893 --> 00:51:20.735


Yeah, give it to him.00:51:20.735 --> 00:51:21.155


He wants it.00:51:21.195 --> 00:51:21.956


Yeah, he wants it.00:51:21.956 --> 00:51:23.237


Just point it out to some random guy.00:51:23.400 --> 00:51:26.342


I did it on a work night recently, a Christmas work night.00:51:26.342 --> 00:51:28.326


I want people to get me shots.00:51:28.545 --> 00:51:40.559


I was like no, I don very like there's something about it that's like, oh, what could go right that person that you don't like the whole year?00:51:40.619 --> 00:51:43.724


and it's like just so you know, you are a bit of a prick.00:51:43.724 --> 00:51:47.266


I give myself a couple of hours in them and then I think, right, I've had about two hours now.00:51:47.266 --> 00:51:49.268


I've shown my face, I'm off.00:51:49.440 --> 00:51:54.987


we had a wax do about 15 years ago and was in an Indian and the whole place went up with tables and everything.00:51:54.987 --> 00:51:57.713


Oh my God, it was like a scene out of Bruce Lee, you know.00:51:57.753 --> 00:51:57.952


Yeah.00:51:59.121 --> 00:52:03.434


Because everyone's like, don't really like each other, but you're just you know connecting over this night.00:52:03.494 --> 00:52:04.480


Obviously alcohol's involved.00:52:04.480 --> 00:52:05.697


Mixing alcohol in there?00:52:05.717 --> 00:52:07.291


yeah, it's a very risky move, isn't it?00:52:07.291 --> 00:52:08.079


Absolutely yeah.00:52:08.079 --> 00:52:13.648


I mean, how many people go back to work on like January, you know, and going back in the office?00:52:13.648 --> 00:52:15.030


Why did I say that you do?00:52:15.030 --> 00:52:16.331


Because you probably just flirt with her.00:52:16.331 --> 00:52:19.356


Exactly, I sit next to her now, don't even like her.00:52:22.710 --> 00:52:29.836


Yeah, nightmare, tell me what sound or noise that you love, and is there a specific sound that I suppose, something that takes you to a particular memory or something.00:52:29.858 --> 00:52:35.945


You know what the sound that I love is a gull at 90 plus three and I'm in the air standing.00:52:35.945 --> 00:52:40.811


He at 90 plus 3 and I'm in the away stand and he just limbs everywhere yeah, the sound of that I love.00:52:40.911 --> 00:52:41.594


It's undefeated.00:52:41.594 --> 00:52:45.059


I love it when they say limbs everywhere, because I know exactly what you mean literally.00:52:45.913 --> 00:52:46.400


Well, not anymore.00:52:46.400 --> 00:52:48.507


I'm a bit more sensible now, so not.00:52:48.507 --> 00:52:49.128


Nah, you got a.00:52:49.128 --> 00:52:51.047


Well, you was in the south stand recently, weren't you?00:52:51.047 --> 00:53:02.981


I was, yeah, well, I moved to see it because it used to be in the East stand but people were throwing bottles and stuff and, to be honest with you, when I was drunk I'd be throwing them back, yeah, but now I'm like that's embarrassing, it's really embarrassing.00:53:03.081 --> 00:53:03.762


Enjoy the.00:53:03.762 --> 00:53:04.603


I'm pushing 40.00:53:04.603 --> 00:53:08.065


Yeah, the nice, it's not a good look, the quiet of the thing is with the self-stand.00:53:08.065 --> 00:53:14.632


It's like some days I'm slowly edging towards West Upper.00:53:14.692 --> 00:53:17.335


Yeah, yeah, and that's when I am a distinguished gentleman.00:53:17.335 --> 00:53:18.916


I'm like I'm just sat here with my flask of tea.00:53:18.916 --> 00:53:23.307


You know A distinguished gentleman Because I did go through a phase where I started watching England.00:53:23.307 --> 00:53:25.224


Yeah, this is when I was really lost in life.00:53:25.224 --> 00:53:26.188


I was so lost in life.00:53:26.188 --> 00:53:32.045


You were just watching England and I was on a train, right and I'm in Hungary of all places, and everyone was, he said, are you English?00:53:32.045 --> 00:53:34.208


I said yeah, he goes.00:53:34.208 --> 00:53:35.670


Are you going to the England game?00:53:35.670 --> 00:53:38.675


I said aye, so I'm sat next to him within a few minutes.00:53:38.675 --> 00:53:40.768


I'm like this guy, he's dodgy.00:53:40.768 --> 00:53:45.313


So I was meeting this guy, so we had a few drinks and stuff.00:53:45.313 --> 00:53:47.788


And I woke up the next day and I'm like, oh my god.00:53:48.047 --> 00:53:48.710


I've been on Sky.00:53:48.710 --> 00:53:50.855


I was on Sky.00:53:50.855 --> 00:53:57.211


Then the next thing in the game I managed to get on bloody ITV and to be honest, it's cringy behaviour, really cringy, when I look back.00:53:57.211 --> 00:54:04.206


But again, I judge myself today and that's what I go back to saying being with the wrong crowd.00:54:04.206 --> 00:54:08.119


This guy was just an absolute nut job and I'm like, oh, he's a legend.00:54:08.119 --> 00:54:11.679


I'm thinking he's one of the boys, but when I look back I'm like what on earth was I doing?00:54:13.125 --> 00:54:18.920


meeting people's energy it is energy sometimes if you're around the wrong people or people you don't often.00:54:18.920 --> 00:54:23.927


I think it goes back to that idea of wanting to be accepted as well you're a bit of a chameleon.00:54:23.927 --> 00:54:26.800


You can find some people don't, and that's absolutely fine, but I'm one of these people.00:54:26.800 --> 00:54:32.664


I can find myself slowly trying to fit in, just to feel part of a crowd or one of the England lads.00:54:32.684 --> 00:54:40.186


It's funny isn't it, but the same guy.00:54:40.186 --> 00:54:41.168


By the way, this is what I mean.00:54:41.168 --> 00:54:42.260


Don't hang on to people like that.00:54:42.260 --> 00:54:47.686


We were in the airport in Milan and I said, oh, why don't you leave the shutters open when there's 600 pound trainers there?00:54:47.686 --> 00:54:48.322


He goes.00:54:48.322 --> 00:54:48.724


What do you mean?00:54:48.724 --> 00:54:50.346


I went them trainers, he went.00:54:55.929 --> 00:54:57.032


I'm going you Don't be nicking them.00:54:57.072 --> 00:54:58.675


He's like, oh, it'll be all right.00:54:58.675 --> 00:55:05.248


He swipes them under the shutter and he's come running out and he's like, can you give me some clothes they're changing?00:55:05.248 --> 00:55:06.925


I'm like, oh my God, I'm part of this now.00:55:11.244 --> 00:55:12.586


Just going through my suitcase putting hats on.00:55:12.586 --> 00:55:19.376


We're going through security confident, but I'm thinking I got used to this like getting Nick for that what sound or noise do you hear?00:55:19.376 --> 00:55:21.251


What do I hear?00:55:21.351 --> 00:55:25.742


yeah, that's a very interesting one.00:55:25.742 --> 00:55:32.108


I can't think nothing really.00:55:32.108 --> 00:55:34.608


Yeah, nothing that sticks in my mind.00:55:34.608 --> 00:55:37.818


No, I thought you were going to say maybe a 90 plus three goal in the other end.00:55:37.818 --> 00:55:37.932


That's it in the.00:55:37.932 --> 00:55:38.856


I thought you were going to say that Maybe a 90 plus 3 goal in the other end.00:55:38.856 --> 00:55:39.016


That's it in the other end.00:55:39.016 --> 00:55:40.827


That is a horrific sound.00:55:40.920 --> 00:55:44.190


There's nothing worse, especially the QPR game recently.00:55:44.190 --> 00:55:45.945


It was a really small crowd as well.00:55:45.945 --> 00:55:50.148


It was, and it was really small, and the fact that you just sat there thinking.00:55:50.981 --> 00:55:58.393


The Leeds game for me was a horrible one, 3-1 up, and I thought I'm getting out of here, so I goes out, goes to the kebab house.00:55:58.393 --> 00:55:59.675


I'm going to change myself up with a kebab.00:55:59.675 --> 00:56:02.009


It was like 3-2 and I'm like, oh my god.00:56:02.009 --> 00:56:04.992


Then when I went home I checked my phone 3-1.00:56:05.032 --> 00:56:06.824


You're joking, oh my god.00:56:06.824 --> 00:56:08.876


You just hear when the away stand.00:56:08.896 --> 00:56:13.768


It was like oh, you wanted to attempt.00:56:13.768 --> 00:56:22.523


That's a very good one.00:56:22.523 --> 00:56:24.771


That I don't know.00:56:24.771 --> 00:56:28.085


Do you know what I like, my history, so I'd probably do like a history page.00:56:28.085 --> 00:56:28.527


Yeah.00:56:28.547 --> 00:56:30.677


I think there's a I love buildings and stuff like that.00:56:30.697 --> 00:56:32.362


I look like someone who would not be interested in that right.00:56:32.362 --> 00:56:36.990


A lot of them say you're like Foes, I'm like yeah, but you don't look anyone like?00:56:37.030 --> 00:56:38.373


What does a person look like?00:56:38.373 --> 00:56:38.853


Who does that?00:56:38.853 --> 00:56:42.650


Do you know much about the whole history and stuff?00:56:42.650 --> 00:56:43.965


Do you enjoy a lot of that?00:56:44.360 --> 00:56:48.088


Yeah, I'm obsessed with whole history Because I think my ancestors walked down here.00:56:48.088 --> 00:56:52.641


My ancestors had a shop down Paragon Street, so when I walk past there I'm always looking.00:56:52.641 --> 00:56:56.208


I'm like you'd have opened that shop up one day, yeah, and now I'm walking past there.00:56:56.208 --> 00:56:57.710


Past it, yeah, I always think really deep like that.00:56:57.730 --> 00:56:58.110


Do you know what?00:56:58.110 --> 00:57:00.494


There's a funny little story with that side table that you've got next to you.00:57:00.494 --> 00:57:03.942


My great-grandad made that he had a shop up on.00:57:03.942 --> 00:57:06.650


Beverly Road over there, and he made furniture.00:57:15.610 --> 00:57:16.452


And yeah.00:57:16.972 --> 00:57:21.286


I found out a bit was clearing out my granddad's shed and it was my mum that told me.00:57:21.286 --> 00:57:23.387


She said, oh, your great-granddad made that.00:57:23.387 --> 00:57:23.909


I was like, did he?00:57:23.909 --> 00:57:25.976


She said yeah, yeah, and I said oh yeah.00:57:25.976 --> 00:57:28.108


I said, well, that makes sense because he used to have a shop on Beverly Roads.00:57:41.610 --> 00:57:42.731


She was like needed a side table.00:57:42.820 --> 00:57:58.934


I'll bring it here, but I think some things like have money on yeah, it's just funny to look at that and think actually he carved that design and he put all that together, and but it's hard to have sentimental when I don't know who he was uh, yeah, you know, I mean it's just an object that someone that from you don't have that emotional attachment do you Exactly?00:57:58.954 --> 00:58:01.768


yeah, but I do think it's an interesting thing.00:58:01.768 --> 00:58:03.065


I did see something online recently.00:58:03.065 --> 00:58:08.045


It said like the furniture that my grandparents used to leave me, and it's this real grand furniture.00:58:14.028 --> 00:58:15.010


And it's the furniture that I leave.00:58:15.010 --> 00:58:16.132


My God, what is that?00:58:16.132 --> 00:58:20.978


Don't you think, though, back in the days, people took pride in making things a lot more?00:58:21.239 --> 00:58:23.588


I look at the houses the design of things.00:58:24.260 --> 00:58:25.465


They looked a lot better nowadays.00:58:25.505 --> 00:58:26.268


I'm like, what's that?00:58:26.268 --> 00:58:29.023


It's just get things up as done as quickly as possible.00:58:29.043 --> 00:58:31.224


Yeah, it's just speed isn't it as fast as possible?00:58:31.224 --> 00:58:32.686


Yeah, you look at how.00:58:32.766 --> 00:58:36.451


I live in an ex-council house and I was going somewhere at Dunn and the guy that was doing it said oh, you'll be fine.00:58:36.451 --> 00:58:37.190


He said ex-council.00:58:37.190 --> 00:58:39.474


He said they didn't spare no change here, they just put everything in.00:58:39.474 --> 00:58:42.137


It's like the amount of cement that's in this cab when he's trying to get out.00:58:42.137 --> 00:58:44.327


He's like oh, they just used to fucking put buckets loads in.00:58:51.447 --> 00:58:53.090


He said now they've put the tiniest amount in business.00:58:53.090 --> 00:58:58.295


I just stopped steadying my tracks and I looked at this roof and I'm like I wonder who made that roof.00:58:58.295 --> 00:59:02.728


And for about five minutes I just stopped staring at this like thatched roof and I'm like what an amazing roof.00:59:02.728 --> 00:59:05.105


And this guy approached me and he's going, you looking at that roof.00:59:05.105 --> 00:59:15.728


I went, yeah, he went, it's great innit, innit great, I went ooh.00:59:15.788 --> 00:59:17.570


Billy, do you know, like a penny drop?00:59:17.570 --> 00:59:18.610


God, I'm actually old.00:59:18.610 --> 00:59:19.851


I've never done that in my life.00:59:19.851 --> 00:59:27.460


I found that I like little European holidays and, yeah, I found that I love going in old churches.00:59:27.460 --> 00:59:32.599


I realised I was getting old, because it was again, because it was built for worship.00:59:32.599 --> 00:59:37.827


There's just really grand designs, even like small, poorer areas.00:59:37.827 --> 00:59:38.429


Do you know what I mean?00:59:38.429 --> 00:59:43.266


It's like really grand designs and it's just I think, yeah, you just look at it and you think they don't make things like this anymore.00:59:43.487 --> 00:59:46.726


It's amazing, I always go in church, sometimes go in little random villages.00:59:46.726 --> 00:59:48.286


And I'm like the first thing I do.00:59:48.286 --> 00:59:54.905


I try and get in the church because I'm like I feel connected Well, that and it's like there's fuck all that.00:59:54.925 --> 01:00:02.472


It's like a corner shop and then a post office, some houses, and then there's this massive church and it just goes to show doesn't it?01:00:02.914 --> 01:00:05.856


I could be wrong, I don't know, but I think nearly all villages have a church, right?01:00:05.856 --> 01:00:07.961


Yeah, yeah, is that a true statement?01:00:07.981 --> 01:00:15.690


Well, I don't know, but you'd think if it was kind of done now it'd be like a shed turned a bit suspect.01:00:15.710 --> 01:00:19.545


I don't want to be lighting around someone's back garden, but no churches.01:00:19.666 --> 01:00:21.063


I like going in, it was recently.01:00:21.103 --> 01:00:22.307


for them I feel connected.01:00:22.307 --> 01:00:26.192


But sometimes if I'm going by myself I'm like thinking I'm nicking somebody.01:00:26.393 --> 01:00:28.045


That's it, yeah, even though I would never do that.01:00:28.065 --> 01:00:28.840


I'm thinking oh God.01:00:29.061 --> 01:00:30.527


I'm looking dodgy, you look a bit dodgy yeah.01:00:38.621 --> 01:00:38.822


Just don't.01:00:38.822 --> 01:00:39.182


I'm aware of that.01:00:39.182 --> 01:00:39.565


You know it's like.01:00:39.565 --> 01:00:40.530


What profession would you not like to do?01:00:40.530 --> 01:00:41.936


To be honest with you, I sound really lazy A manual job.01:00:41.936 --> 01:00:42.840


I've done it before I'm moving.01:00:42.840 --> 01:00:44.585


Just oh, it's so bad.01:00:44.585 --> 01:00:45.648


Nothing motivating.01:00:45.847 --> 01:00:47.351


I did it once I worked with my dad.01:00:47.740 --> 01:00:49.025


He goes, I'm working a bill.01:00:49.025 --> 01:00:49.909


I said I'll do it.01:00:49.909 --> 01:00:54.894


I said you know I'll do a day there and within about half an hour he goes.01:00:54.894 --> 01:00:55.717


So I picked them cables up.01:00:55.717 --> 01:00:56.460


So I'm walking on his cable.01:00:56.460 --> 01:01:00.391


I'm like, oh, my back's gone and I thought I'm on a manly site, I can't whinge about my back.01:01:00.391 --> 01:01:02.724


I said to my dad, my back's playing up a bit.01:01:02.724 --> 01:01:05.244


I bet he's thinking, oh my god who have I?01:01:05.284 --> 01:01:05.525


raised.01:01:05.525 --> 01:01:16.532


He's so weak, and then, at the end of the day, it was like 8, o went home it was like a scene out of a movie.01:01:16.532 --> 01:01:20.628


I'd gone home and I'd sat in the shower, literally sat in the shower, and I'm like I'm in bits.01:01:20.628 --> 01:01:21.514


I messaged him.01:01:21.514 --> 01:01:22.360


I said I can't come in tomorrow.01:01:22.360 --> 01:01:29.795


I said I need a few weeks off because I'm not used to it, you see all mine's online or taking pictures.01:01:29.795 --> 01:01:30.500


That's my kind of thing.01:01:30.500 --> 01:01:35.572


We're just soft, aren't we generation that's my fault, at least I'm honest.01:01:36.355 --> 01:01:40.949


If you lost everything you platform, your audience, your recognition who would you?01:01:41.028 --> 01:01:41.168


be.01:01:41.168 --> 01:01:46.469


I'd cry for a day and then I'd be like I'm gonna reinvent myself and I'm not one to cry over spilt milk.01:01:46.469 --> 01:01:47.454


Whatever happens happens.01:01:47.454 --> 01:01:50.304


I had a few bad cards dealt with me last year and you know what?01:01:50.304 --> 01:02:00.264


I was surprised how quick I bounced back, because usually I'd have been in bits for like six months and now I'm like I have an ability just to bounce back so quick, so sorry.01:02:00.264 --> 01:02:01.047


Back to the question.01:02:01.047 --> 01:02:03.425


Yeah, I'm not sure on that one.01:02:04.440 --> 01:02:06.487


Do you feel like you'd lose your sense of purpose a little bit?01:02:06.487 --> 01:02:07.230


I think so.01:02:07.581 --> 01:02:14.244


I'd be disappointed that I can't help people and I can't share Hull and share Hull's pictures and videos, because I love it so much.01:02:18.360 --> 01:02:19.422


So, yeah, it would probably cry for a bit.01:02:19.463 --> 01:02:25.599


Yeah, then it's hard to say, yeah, maybe I'll deliver ruin and think, yeah, shape a better future now and then.01:02:25.619 --> 01:02:29.471


Lastly, if heaven exists, what would you like to hear god say when you arrive at the pearly gates?01:02:29.860 --> 01:02:30.804


you took some good pictures.01:02:32.009 --> 01:02:42.043


Yeah, thank you very much for joining me, john been uh been a pleasure thank you I really appreciate it, and if you've enjoyed this episode of the Believe in People podcast, we'd love for you to share it with others who might find it meaningful.01:02:42.043 --> 01:02:44.740


Don't forget to hit that subscribe button so you never miss an episode.01:02:44.740 --> 01:02:49.643


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