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March 7, 2024
#39 - Ian: Developing Alcohol Dependence In Retirement, Relationship Strains, The Physical Battle With Addiction & The Path To Recovery
Discover Ian's post-retirement journey in our latest episode. Dive into the challenges of newfound freedom and the silent battle against alcohol dependency.
Join us as we uncover the layers of functioning alcoholism and the toll it takes on relationships. Ian's story isn't just his own; it reflects a broader cultural struggle often overlooked in retirement.
Through Ian's candid narrative, we explore the emotional and physical battles of addiction, shedding light on the importance of understanding and support. Journey with us through the highs and lows of recovery, guided by ReNew's beacon of hope. Despite the challenges, Ian's story is one of resilience—a reminder that there is hope and help for those facing similar struggles. Tune in now.
Click here to text our host, Matt, directly!
Believe in People explores addiction, recovery and stigma.
For our full back catalogue you can visit our website ⬇️
www.believeinpeoplepodcast.com
If you or someone you know is struggling then this series can help.
You can see selected clips from the series on social media: @CGLHull ⬇️
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We'd like to extend our heartfelt thanks to Christopher Tait of the band Belle Ghoul & Electric Six for allowing us to use the track Jonathan Tortoise. Thank you, Chris, for being a part of this journey with us.
Transcript
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This is a Renew Original Recording.
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Hello and welcome to the Believe in People Podcast.
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My name is Matthew Butler and I'm your host, or, as I'll say, your facility.
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Today, I'm joined by Ian, an individual who battled alcohol dependency post-retirement.
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Through Renew's home support and connection to an alcohol-free community, ian found hope and recovery.
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Join us as he shares his journey, showcasing the transformative power of belief in oneself and the strength of community.
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First of all, would you like to introduce yourself?
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Yeah, good afternoon everybody.
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I'm Ian.
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I was alcohol dependent.
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I'm now abstinent 13 months.
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Drunk all my life basically, but really got heavy into the drink after I suffered an heart attack in 2018.
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Wow, Okay, so was that caught.
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I'm going to go straight into that then.
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Was that caused by alcoholism or no, it was caused by the stress of work.
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To be quite honest, I was in the care industry, which is very hands-on, a lot of hours.
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I put it down to that because I overworked.
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But after the heart attack, obviously I couldn't go back to work straight away, which left me.
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So, like numb, I've always been a guy that's gone out and worked give it 110% and I suddenly found myself on me lonesome.
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I've always drunk socially, but then I've got time on my hands.
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I've nothing to occupy my mind.
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That's interesting.
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I've got a shop.
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It's that kind of sort of to be fair.
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We've jumped straight into here, which I'm happy to do.
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I'm more than happy to do Talking about, I guess, what brought you to this chair.
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Then you said you worked all your life.
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Was it retirement?
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That kind of brought on alcohol dependency?
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Are you retired?
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Yeah, I'm retired now.
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The reason why I want to touch on this is because I think it's a big thing that goes unrecognizing in society is the amount of people that go like yourself, hardworking people working 40, 50 hours a week, whatever it is, come into retirement and then suddenly how do I fill my days?
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And drinking is part of that Because in some respects, a lot of what we do when it gets to the weekend, when we've got time off, friday night, we're maybe popping to the pub set and then we're popping to the pub.
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But now, going from hardworking into retirement, saturday night, friday night that could technically be any night of the week and I found it's filling that time.
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Is that something that's?
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strange.
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No, it's quite strange really, because, even though I mean, in my early working days I used to manage public houses, run pubs, and that's an occupational hazard, isn't it?
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I mean, you've got it at your fingertips.
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Ok, I like to drink, but I never felt that it got to me.
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Through that working career, moved careers into the care industry, did that for roughly I think it's about 13 years.
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That never really stressed me out, but I wasn't one that would go out to a party and I'd go out every weekend.
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I was on my own bed.
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Yeah, I can relate to that.
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I think it was the fact that, yeah, I'd been struck down with an heart attack which you never thought you'd think you're going to have.
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What do I do now?
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Hang on a minute.
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I'm on my Jack Jones, although I did have a partner at the time wasn't living with me.
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I just had this abundance of time because I wasn't working.
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You know my routine had gone and for the boredom, basically, I got into that drink.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know I used to like to have drink in, because I don't know if it's the right way of looking at it.
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In the care industry I was looking after adults and minors, as you'd like to call them.
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So like going into adulthood with learning difficulties, various ailments, disabilities and, you know, quite complex needs, of course.
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Yeah, and now you've to come home on a night time and probably just crack a can or something like that.
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Just put your feet up, as you do.
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It's quite normal here.
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If you're an adult, you know what I mean.
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I myself am not much of a drinker, but I often say, when it comes to the warm weather, summertime, you know.
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And then the irony is of where I work.
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But when I finish work it's come home, crack up on a beer and sit in the car.
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Especially if it's a nice sunny day as well.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Yeah, I guess it's a cultural thing, I suppose, and it's quite a normal beer.
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So you talked about the boredom.
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When did you, I guess?
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When did you realise hang on, this is becoming a problem?
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To be perfectly honest, I moved from where I was living Because I had a couple of dogs and then my partner moved in with me, so we wanted a bigger property with a garden, basically.
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So the dogs would run out and I, just when I moved, I'd had to give up work.
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I'd gone back to work.
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I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself.
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No, no, no, no, you're not.
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I'd gone back to work to try it out, to say I'd gone.
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I'd gone back on three days a week and it was a little bit stressful so I just decided to take care of the retirement that was three years ago.
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Okay.
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And again time on my hands and I'd moved and I just started drinking again, you know.
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But I didn't feel as though it was getting older, me, and if ever it did, I used to say, because my partner would say you're drinking a bit much, you know, you should pick up on it.
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Other people always recognize it before we do, don't we?
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Yeah?
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So I said, right, all right, I'll give it up.
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And then of course, you know, I'll have another one.
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I'll have another one.
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You know as you do.
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And I just generally found it was sort of like creeping up on me for want of a better word.
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There's something in that.
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I mean I've talked about this a lot when you make a conscious decision not to do something, the more you want to do it.
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So in terms of things like stopped over and dry January, I can go.
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I always say this I can go months without drinking and not think about it.
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But once I'm like making a conscious effort that I shouldn't drink, I suddenly think I won't mind a drink, actually Because it's in my head, because I've told myself I'm not doing.
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It Was that kind of what had happened.
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Then you made that pledge to your partner that you was going to knock it on the head and you found it.
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Now you probably want it more.
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So that's it Exactly.
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It's like the whole thing, you know, if somebody tells you not to do it, you're going to do it.
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It's like the wet paint, do not touch.
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I wonder if it's still wet, you know big red button.
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Do not push.
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I really want to push it now, do you know?
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Yeah, it's cost.
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Yeah, I think that's a normal human behavior, isn't it?
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When did you realize that you said you couldn't really tell when it was so creepy, to be perfectly honest, when it started to really affect my health, which was about two years ago.
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Obviously I had to be careful, because I had this heart attack.
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I also have a couple of other underlying health conditions Myself with COPD and poor circulation, which is called Reynard's disease for those who are not aware of it and I thought well, I've got to look after my health in that respect.
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But it was getting me another way.
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It was getting me mental health.
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In actual fact, it made me bed bound.
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I got to a point where it was affecting me physically and, like no energy, just wanted to stop in bed.
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What was?
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the.
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I can't imagine.
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Except when you're on holiday, the rules are out the window a little bit hardly.
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So I can't imagine waking up and the first thing I want to do is have a drink.
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Did that ever happen to you?
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It did, yeah, what was that like?
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I imagine that was a bit of a red flag.
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When you woke up and think right, I found it a drink first thing in the morning.
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To be perfectly honest with you, I never thought I would be like that.
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But no matter what time of the day you wake up and when you're drinking, there isn't such a thing as a set rule saying there isn't a set time because you can be a wake-up mate and then keep off for a couple of hours or something like that.
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But when you wake up and you're like that and your heart's pounding and you're sweating and I also used to say, well, I need one to steady the shape.
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A lot of people don't know about that alcohol, like in terms of alcohol dependency.
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A lot of people don't necessarily realise, I guess.
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In that I found it quite funny in the sense of when they're experiencing those feelings of shaking, at what point do you realise this is because of a lack of alcohol?
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Does that make sense?
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I guess what I'm trying to say is how do you know, when you're feeling those things, of the shakes and the sweats and stuff?
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How do you know if I have a drink that'll make me feel better?
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Because I've met people who have gone into withdrawal symptoms but not known that they're in withdrawal for that thing.
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They don't know, if they carry on taking that thing, that the withdrawal is going to stop.
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They don't actually relate the two things together.
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So how did you know that the shakes and the sweats and stuff was from a lack of alcohol?
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Trotting error basically.
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Alright, so explain that one to me then.
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So did you not realise at first, this is what was going on?
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I mean, I think, without sounding green, everybody knows that if you get an anger over, you get an anger over, and the old cliche was error the dog, what kills you kills you.
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Probably done that most of my life.
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Yeah, but never out the withdrawal, never had the sickness, never had the stomach cramps.
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And it started to get quite intense because obviously that was because I was drinking during the day.
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And then you go to bed and you're not drinking, so consequently, your body's creating for it when you wake up.
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Yeah, absolutely, and that is when the shakes come, the sweats.
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Yeah, yeah, I needed and I knew what to do.
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Yeah, I think that's you know.
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Yeah, I guess yeah, I guess in a way you're probably right.
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I think it's.
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It's that lack of understanding, I guess what what withdrawal can do to you if you are to ignore it?
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Did that ever cross your mind, thinking all just ignore it or go sort of like the cold turkey?
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Did you realize?
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That yes did you know, though?
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Because what a lot of people don't realize that alcohol withdrawal it's much more severe than drug withdrawal.
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Hmm, you can die from.
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I'll go to a lot of people don't realize.
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Did you understand that?
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Did you know that?
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Or was that a learning process when you started at renew?
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So be perfectly honest, it opened my eyes when I went, when I saw, like, got in touch with the new, you know being put up for a detox and that and the things that you go through.
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No, I wasn't aware that it could kill me.
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Yeah, because I've done it Two or three times.
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Yeah, I thought, well, I can beat this, you know, I mean, it's not gonna beat me.
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Yeah, it's a few drinks, of course.
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Yeah, and I would suffer two, three days on end with a sweat summer.
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No, yeah, I just, I just can't go through this.
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Yeah, but I don't know, like I say, whether it's through the years of drinking or it's the fact that you, what you pick up along the way.
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But I know, if I had to drink, I would be right.
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Yeah, it's interesting, I think the again the lack of understanding around that.
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I've shared this story before but I remember doing an outreach and there was a woman and her Her daughter, you know was there and we told was busy telling them I'm like you've got to keep drinking, but kind of like a drink, stary, you know, and Drinking a little bit less.
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So if you've had this much, you need to have this much instead.
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And a daughter couldn't understand why we was telling to continue to drink.
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I'm like you're supposed to be it's a stopper from drinking?
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No, we're not and that's not.
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That's not what we're here to do at all.
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But it was that lack of understanding, like if your mom stops drinking she could die, mm-hmm, and she just couldn't get her head around that at all, you know, in any capacity whatsoever.
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So it's interesting, I think, to when you start learning that.
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Was it a shock for you when you learn how severe alcohol withdrawal can be, in like long-term effects of it?
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I guess?
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well, to be perfectly honest, I knew.
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I knew Alcohol wasn't good for you.
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It would have well, it would have long-term effects.
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Yeah, yeah, I think a lot of people think of like yeah, people think like liver disease and stuff though not necessarily not this, I guess that's what I mean by long-term, it seems like cirrhosis and liver.
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But yeah, I guess it's more the short term, I guess, isn't it so?
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And after, after three days without having a drink, you knew, if you just have a drink you'll feel fine, and then that way it's yeah.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Well, to be perfectly honest, when I first so like tried that myself, you know, as so self withdrawal, stopping whichever I could go get through the couple of days, it used to be hard.
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Yeah, you know, there's there's no denying I'd go through the shakes.
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I'd sort of like set myself within myself I didn't want to go anywhere.
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Yeah, I came, you know, real subdued and I wouldn't go out because of, you know, people are gonna.
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Yeah, so you know.
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So what he's up to, yeah it's that stigma again which we've still exactly had.
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I think I talked to a lad called Russell.
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He came through like yourself.
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He came through Renew about the brand.
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Some of the alcohol hub Volunteered with me eventually went on to do.
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He's actually working with us now as a staff member.
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But in terms of what he went through, he'd tell me that he used to just kind of like had in his house.
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You know, kind of go up to the shop, hood up, case vodka or whatever.
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It's just sorry, come back, I was doing and it was so much fun.
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Sorry, come back, I was doing and it was a lot of stigma and the embarrassment and the shame.
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But he said, like His houses said, kerns were shut constantly so they just like hibernated inside with a drink and that was that's how we got by.
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You didn't want to leave the house.
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I get it.
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Does that resonate with you at?
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all Well.
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So, to be perfectly honest, now I was, I could function, yeah, you know I could function with the drink, yeah, and until it really took hold of me and I say that's when you know it made me really polling.
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But during, you know, previous to that, before I sort of like took what I say took to my bed, yeah, and I could have, you know, get rid of them, then shakes and that knows you, yeah, with the drink, and then function during the day explain, because a lot of people don't know the term function.
00:14:59.399 --> 00:15:02.903
I've had functioning addicts, functioning alcoholic, whatever you know.
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Whatever sort of term you want to use, I've heard that plenty of times before tell me a little bit about what you mean by you was functioning well, I could go about my everyday duties and no one would know you was under the influence of alcohol.
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Do you think, or?
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well, you don't think.
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You know, I think people, you don't think the door, but it's surprising, yeah, you know.
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Once you open up, yeah, and I've always been saying to I've never been honest enough.
00:15:26.745 --> 00:15:33.916
And when you do open up and see you've got a problem, and you tell people, so well, we had an idea.
00:15:33.916 --> 00:15:36.604
You know, yeah, and that's why you know.
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When I I sit in and because I volunteer on groups, that's something I always sort of like trying to get across to them.
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What helped me through was the honesty.
00:15:45.371 --> 00:15:47.543
You know.
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It's a Be right with people and it's amazing how many people know yeah.
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But regarding the, the function, yeah, I mean that's, it's a.
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It's a bit of a gray area.
00:15:58.205 --> 00:16:05.591
Is that because people saw I'm a functioning alcoholic but you know, because you can't function when you've got alcohol, you just think you're functioning.
00:16:07.000 --> 00:16:13.423
I'm seeing what with me and probably most people that they've gone into detox etc.
00:16:13.423 --> 00:16:16.351
It's I could get through the day.
00:16:16.351 --> 00:16:24.751
Yeah, I wasn't bled, I wasn't falling over, I just I did that peak where I'd stop the tremors.
00:16:24.751 --> 00:16:25.855
I stopped the nose here.
00:16:25.855 --> 00:16:27.664
I'd stop these.
00:16:27.664 --> 00:16:30.927
You know it's a feeling Crap for another better word.
00:16:30.927 --> 00:16:35.903
Yeah, I brought it to her, to her head, and I could function.
00:16:35.903 --> 00:16:36.664
I'd gone.
00:16:36.664 --> 00:16:38.791
You know I'd go out and build something.
00:16:38.851 --> 00:16:39.131
Yeah.
00:16:39.131 --> 00:16:45.226
So one of the things I want to ask is how did alcohol dependency have an impact on your relationships then?
00:16:45.226 --> 00:16:49.238
Because you said that you mentioned briefly a second ago that at the time, you had a partner.
00:16:49.238 --> 00:16:52.086
Yeah, did alcoholism have an impact on that?
00:16:52.326 --> 00:16:57.385
Yeah, it did actually, yeah, my partner and I separated through alcohol.
00:16:57.385 --> 00:17:08.744
Yeah, I mean, she was, she was good, and I'd just like to say as well that we've we've maintained a good relationship since it's isn't though, you know, she's walked out on me or anything.
00:17:08.744 --> 00:17:09.968
Yeah, no, no.
00:17:09.968 --> 00:17:32.872
But it got to a point where it was breaking her out, seeing me the way I was, I mean I couldn't get out of bed no, so she was actually going and getting my alcohol, which was against the grain anyway, because she felt as though she was Putting wood on the fire sort of thing, enabling the behavior yeah, exactly.
00:17:34.262 --> 00:17:34.625
And it did.
00:17:34.625 --> 00:17:39.064
It did come through an ad and I just said you know it was in drink.
00:17:39.064 --> 00:17:42.148
Yeah, I just said, well, look, if you know I feel what you say, you go.
00:17:42.148 --> 00:17:48.867
Yeah, and I didn't mean it, but she's a woman of strong means.
00:17:48.867 --> 00:17:50.152
Yeah, right, then I will.
00:17:52.068 --> 00:17:52.454
It is hard.
00:17:52.454 --> 00:17:59.529
I think that's the one thing I don't think a lot of people realize when, when they're in addiction I guess is is the impact it has on others.
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